My first advice is to get help. Seek counseling immediately. Being this upset in your situation is completely normal. However, suicidal thoughts are not.

See your MD for anti-depressents if you need to. You have 3 kids that you need to be strong for.

Next, if he is a heavy drinker, and is this disrespectful he is NOT worth being married to. Look into finding an attorney.

While he is still living there you can't really close the book. Even when he's not living there, it will take a lot of time and healing to get past this.

You have to know that you can get through this. You are your own person and you can take care of yourself, take care of your children and do just fine without him.

PLEASE! Find a therapist, go to Al-Anon meetings for family members for alcoholics, see your doctor for anti-depressants and find an attorney who can tell you what your rights are.

Allow yourself to cry and grieve, but do not give him the power to take away all of your personal strength. He isn't worth giving it to.

Just remember,if you succeed at suicide, he will get the kids 100% of the time. He will win if you give up!!!!!!!!

You are right about that. If I pushed back, he would end up with a lot less than what he is wishing and hoping for. I have proof of his lifestyle, and his driving record speaks for itself. But who really suffers? My kids. They love him dearly. And truth be told, so do I. I know, I know. He is not worth it, I just my heart would absorb this. Our timing at this situation has been very off. He and I both say things to eachother in the heat of the moment that bears witness to our pain. And his family have been very kind to me, now more than ever. I just need to find a way to stop obsessing over this and get some distance. It's hard to do that whilst he is still in the home. I am pushing him to leave. But it is a double edged sword. On the one hand I need him to go so I can heal. But on the other hand, if and when he leaves, is it not over then? My angry and stubborn side says "YES!" And my friends say that if he does come back, I would be the one paying the price. But his parents seem to think that this space/time apart will be just what he needs to appreciate what he has messed up on. It's like a freight train moving in slow motion and me and the kids are sitting on the tracks tied up. There are moments, where I get a glimpse of his turmoil and conflicting emotions. It is within these moments that I feel, perhaps I have been looking at this whole process through the wrong perspective. Am I then in denial? Or am I just an unforgiving and stubborn person? Do I maintain a reasonable and amiable perspective, for the sake of my kids, regardless of the pain and anguish he has caused? Or do I take him to the cleaners and "FUCK" him over? There is no middle ground. There cannot be, it is far to confusing and painful. I'm Greek. We know not how to take our lumps indefinitely. We push back. And I have been. I've been "crazy" and emotional and smashing things. I've been crying all the time and wishing he would die for the pain he has brought me. When you are told there is nothing you can do, that this is not about you, it's about me, how do you go from there to the next step? Deep breath and move on? I know enough about myself to know, that if I shut that door, whilst he is here in the house, or even after, when he is in his new pad, living his new life, it is over for me and there is no going back. I've always been this way with people. It has been rare where I've forgiven and forgotten. It has happened though. Do I live this way? Is it not being "in denial"?

Hi

If he is treating you like this. You don't need it. Sounds like another way for him to punish you for his problems. As far as him tellling you he married you only b/c you got pregnant, he should have kept his ****** in his pants. Wasn't he was an adult then? He should have known the consequences.

First thing to do is find someone to talk to...counseling.

Second find a lawyer and get advice from him/her.

Third call his bluff. He wants out, give him one. If you want him out, ask your lawyer for options. Law enforcement comes in handy when you want someone removed from a residence. I get that call all the time.(I'm a 911 operator)

If his drinking is causing that much trouble it could be in your favor, especially in the custody issue.

But first and formost find a counslor. They can help you decide if you want to let him stay there or not, and to help you understand depression and emotional abuse you are experienceing.

Do not let him bring you back to the brink of ending everything. His drinking problem is affecting your children as well as you. If you go through with suicide, there will be no one to protect and look out for the kids. Thats the scary part. My dad was an acholic...Not fun for us kids.

Good luck in your search for info. There are a lot of great people here. And many, many friends to get to know.

Thanks. I have a lawyer, and she has told me the same thing as you insofar as the 911 situation is concerned. I will do it if need be. I do have a therapist. But at present I am waiting to see a family psychologist, hopefully within the next week. My kids and I, both, need help. They are going thru a real tough time. He is in denial about his drinking. And this is his problem that he needs to address. He has started going back to therapy on his own. And for now, we have agreed to spend as little time together as possible. I have medication for my depression, and I have started taking it again. You are right, I don't want to end my life, just the pain and suffering. And the medication helps in that regard.