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RAGE a seizure !??

deleted_user
deleted_user
I spoke with stbx's counselor just now, he confirmed that getting the TRO was the BEST move possible. He was saying that if stbx is going to really really work on his anger with the counselor, counselor would see this within next 30 days, otherwise......stbx is just talking to look good......

and, interestingly enough counselor said, view stbx's rages as if it were a seizure because he can not control it.

OK, but we are TALKING about rage here, not falling on the ground and biting your tongue off.

then he said (the counselor) think about what you do to set him off - WTF! - I just have to be in the same ROOM! men always think we do SOMETHING to deserve this???? Why is stbx's rage my fault? STBX must take full responsiblity not find someone else to blame.... I really wonder if a female counselor would have said something like this? or is this another "blame game" deal? STBX is 45 yrs old, not some little kid learning how to cope with anger for the first time.

feed-back is greatly appreciated, thanks!

P.S. sorry to the DS men, I know you guys get it and are a great support to us DS ladies! :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have a point that rage is nothing like a seizure and it's not you who sets it off.

That said, I think the counselor worded it badly. Think of his anger issue more like depression (and frequently men with anger issues have depression). Someone who suffers from depression doesn't always have a reason for slipping into their depression, and they can't always control it.

I am NOT making any excuses for his behavior, especially since I was abused. But if you think of it this way, as being an illness he can't control, you know not to expect him to control it and you can be more focused on keeping yourself safe.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you Gaelyn, very good point there. illness = no control = be prepared for it = to keep safe

got it!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I tend to agree with Gaelyn. My wife had anger issues to the point she would make her girls cry over their homework and then order me to step in and help them, as she put it "before I beat the living sh#t out of them for being so stupid". We would walk on eggshells around her when she was in one of her tirades.

She had prescribed medication to with she refused to take because it made her feel tired. Depression can take various forms of retaliation. Some go off in a fit of anger as others may cower down and try to fade into the walls.

Many times I've wondered if my depression during my marriage wasn't brought on by my wifes outbursts of anger thereby creating the need for me to simply shut down.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Having been there myself, I often describe someone with depression as living in a parallel reality. You think, say and do things that you would never even consider if you weren't depressed. And unfortunately, you're often taking it out on those who are closest to you. It's a terrible thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The counselor is an ass or he has not talked to you and listened to what you had to say. I have been a victim of rage, I was slapped repeatedly but I took and went back for more to make sure it left a mark. I should have called the cops but I didn't because it was a one time thing. If he has fits of rage then maybe he needs to be sedated. If some one has a seizure you don't blame it on some one else and say oh well you deserved his seizure. You see a doctor you get medication. Your stbx needs a new counselor because the one he has is clueless. I don't thing any one deserves to be abused, if I can't abuse mine he can't abuse you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Glenn:

my Mom has been drinkly for over 65 years.

when we were little girls, she would scream at us...

"you better get in here or I'm going to cut off your arm and beat you with the bloodly stump!"

now, she would end up in serious trouble, but then no one cared about it.

When I spoke up a few years ago at a family thing, she denied she had ever said it, but kids remember those comments. Please help your girls by getting them help to cope to. You sound like a great Dad. Hang in there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Glenn, that is exactly what I did. The depression that I've suffered with all these years was a reaction to constant emotional and physical abuse. The emotional abuse was the worse for depression, but the physical created PTSD.

Now that I am out of the marriage and with someone who is loving and understanding, I'm finding that I am doing much better. I did have one PTSD episode in the middle of the night, new bf stayed on the phone with me until 2am and I was able to go to sleep.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wick...

see, I'm with you...you don't blame someone for a medical condition. Beside, he does not RAGE at work. ONLY around me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My son doesn't rage at work or have behavior problems, he does at home sometimes. He is Bi-Polar, so it's still not something that is necessarily completely controllable. Part of it has to do with structure. At work there is structure with what he does with his day. He has a routine and goals. At home, he doesn't, so it's easier for him to have issues.
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