Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 12/02/2007

Okay, so my divorce is approaching within a few weeks. I don't know for sure when because my lawyer and his lawyer are meeting tomorrow for some sort of meeting with a judge. My stbx has sent me two proposals of what he think we should do about some things. I can pick one or two. Hmmmmm....I guess he thinks he is still in control?????? I'm still the doormat and I can choose what I want to do but I don't want either one. I won't bog you down with the yucky details. Anyway, I got the proposals on Monday and he emails me on Wednesday wanting to know what I want to do or if I have any questions. STUPID, STUPID, ME! I can't stand that he hasn't completely stuck the knife all the way through my heart. I decide to offer him one last chance to come home. I tell him we can still work on our marriage if he will go with me to marriage counseling and also go see a doctor for some other problems he has been going through for about 5 years. I told him that we all missed him Thanksgiving and would love to have him back with us for Christmas. I wrote my heart out. So.....he writes back and tells me he hates reading long emails and that it was the same old stuff and it was "beating that dead horse". Hmmmm....I guess that is what our marriage is to him. A dead horse! Okay, a lot of you ask when will you get over "him". I got over him after reading that email. It hurt like heck and I cried of course. But, after a little while I got madder than I have since he left. Now, I know it is really over and I am moving on as soon as the divorce is final. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt for so many months. I have known him since I was 16 years old and I am 57 now. I thought I knew him better than anyone. Well...I don't want to know this person. I don't like this person. I don't want to be around this person. He is now dead to me. I will probably continue to grieve for my kids and grandkids. I wanted them to have so much in the way of family and home. That is not to be so now it is finally over. I hope all of you that are hurting will come to this point soon. It has taken me almost a year and a half.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

I hope you find peace now.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

strange isn't it? how are husbands were such great actors for so long? then one day *poof* they are different people who can toss us by the wayside. makes ya wonder. *HUGS* hang in there, you'll make it through this storm.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

Bless you! I am glad it made you mad! That is sometimes what it takes!
Hugs to you!

TSand 12/02/2007

I certainly feel your pain and relate to it. I would like to be in that place where I feel dead towards my sbtx but I don't. If she called me and said that it didn't work out with her new man and that she wanted to try again, I would agree. It is sad but it is true. She lied to me and cheated on me and spent money like crazy but she owns my heart. I hope for your sake that your feelings are really dead and that you can let it go. I look forward to that time as my hope of reconciliation is slim to none. Thanks so much for sharing.

sc2kids4me 12/02/2007

Congratulations! I know it's painful but so liberating too! I remember the relief I felt when I finally 'let go'. Things will get better now, it's time to find your happy place.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

Good for you, I also thought I knew my husband well, but some of the things he says I realize I don't know this man. I am glad you can close that door and move on.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

Thanks for your replies. I really want to get to that Happy Place. I'm tired of being so sad and feeling nothing. I have a great family and they have all been waiting for me to reach this point. They have all told me that now they will try to help me rebuild my life. This is a place that you have to reach by yourself. Family and friends usually mean well but you have to reach this point by yourself. You also have to realize that all the prayers you pray are not answered the way you want them. It really felt good to share all of this with you.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

I think you are a good person. I know he is not. Glad to hear you are angry as long as you use it constructively - to whip your lame attorney into shape. Your attorney sounds terrible and she is the perfect one to take this anger out on IMO -as long as you don't cross any lines, but just stand up to her and question her. I don't think it should be either the equity or the support - and my opinion I think he should pay both - but find out what the property division laws are and get after your attorney. Use your anger, girl! I will be hoping the best for you.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

God's Blessings as you March forward with a new resolve to LIVE!

As the pain seeps away, look around at the Joy of Christmas and a future full of your family kids and grandkids!!

deleted_user 12/02/2007

I would give absolutely anything for him to tell me he is done, and for his to completely walk away. We have been divorced for over a year, and I can't let go.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

You go, girl! You are getting that assertive you to the fore! I love it! It's that old trick with kids: do you want your milk in the red cup or the blue cup?
Bless you for seeing the trap.

CanadianRose 12/02/2007

Well HE has made it clear.
It is OVER!

so.. time for you.. time for you to move forward.. head up.. be the strong woman that you know you are inside... move forward.

Get on with your life.

Bury the damn Dead Horse.

MimiL 12/02/2007

you are strong and Im sorry that you are going through this....stay strong.....the five stages of grief you will go back and forth through them all....but time does heal all wounds....I think .....peace is a beautiful thing

deleted_user 12/02/2007

I too am weeks away from the final decree, and I thought about writing one last letter to offer the opportunity of counseling at least for closure if not for the sake of a possible reconciliation.

I posted the letter in my journal and most said not to send it. I am still torn. I am not sure due to my particular circumstances that I and the family could take him back. But it seems right to make one last attempt. He is living with the OW he slept with off and on with for the last two years. He left 7 months ago I cut off contact three months ago. I am afraid he will just think I am being spiteful, but I don't want to be his friend, only want communication if he wants to reconsider.

Anyway, didn't mean to ramble. There are many similarities between our circumstances. I thought I knew him too. My daughter said that person is dead, and we got the best years.

It is good to move on now. Unlike him, I will wait until it is final before I even entertain the notion of looking at another.

Best of luck to you. Sorry for your pain.

deleted_user 12/02/2007

Thank you, it really helped to read this post. I think I'm on my way.

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