Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Question of the day...

deleted_user
deleted_user
My H had an (emotional)A w/ a coworker, 4 months ago. Many hours on hours of talking and texting for two months. They work third shift together. He says it's over and there is no more contact. Him quitting (as he's told me) his job is out of the question. I'm leaning on him changing shifts will not happen either. Say, I can not accept this; I'm trying, right NOW, I'm OK; but, let's say it starts eating at my again and I can't. The temptation is too real, too close, too easy in my book. Has anyone decided on divorce, gone through with it and, now regret it? What is the pain going to be like? Divorce, right now, is NOT what I want, but, is an option I have to deal with this. I am starting couseling soon to get my thoughts together. I'm just trying to get facts, thoughts from both sides. I speak, often, with all on infidelity posts. Thought I'd get opinions here. Has anybody regretted choosing D over accepting the lifestyle they had? Like I said, just wondering... do that a lot these days. thanks
deleted_user
deleted_user
Imagine cutting yourself into two pieces with a dull knife.

The pain of divorce is pretty awful, even if the marriage was awful. Even if you KNEW it was coming and had years to prepare...there is no getting around it.

Lifestyle is the very Last thing to consider. You are looking at your Life Partner right now and You have a Choice.

On the other hand, Trust is an issue and you need that guidance from the couselor.

I stayed through everything-it wasn't the healthy thing to do. It was what I knew to do. Abuse and/or Cheating really are reasons to move on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My ex and I tried to work it out the first time he cheated. It didn't happen. Once they turn to someone else when your relationship is having a rough spot (which all relationships do) it becomes easier for them to do it again. If your H refuses to change jobs / shifts to save your marriage he may not be committed to doing what is necessary. Fixing the relationship takes the committment of both partners. But only you can decide if it can be saved. In my experience I wish I had just left the first time. I wasted two years trying to work it out. But now that I am divorced I have no regrets. It was the right decision. I deserve better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not a chance in hell that I will EVER regret this divorce. Once you lose trust and faith in someone it is very important to end the relationship, preferably as quick as possible.

I think the most commonly heard feedback re: sticking with an infidel is the fact that the other party doesnt feel that they can meet someone new. Hogwash, say I.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I dont understand what an "(emotional) A" is. Did he physically cheat on you by having sex, or did he text his co worker a lot?

Hours and hours of talking and texting means he had a lot of emotional free time on his hands. That is something you could both grow closer together with if helped by good counseling.

On the other hand, if he was having sex with a co-worker, you may not ever get over it.

Either way, your boundaries have been crossed, and trust has been broken. Falling back into love will be a gigantic effort. This is my opinion.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I respectfully disagree with Zoot. There IS such a thing as emotional affairs. Yes, some people can heal through counseling but that would take a whole lot of effort on BOTH person's parts to get through.

I have had to deal with this issue for the past 6 years and there is no going back for me. I know that I deserve someone who will cherish me, love me! You deserve that too. I will not regret my decision to get a divorce. I want to be healthy, happy person and being in this marriage is not contributing to that one bit. I pray that you make the decision that is right for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
most peoople will agree that the marriage is over when one person loses respect for the other.. the emotional/physical affair happens after that... so ask yourself... is he acting like he doesn't respect you anymore? if so,,,, get counselling for yourself as this indicates the beginning of the end... sorry to tell you.

Save cash. get your own safety deposit box, start collecting paperwork... making palns... upgrading your schooling...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not sure if it is quite what you are looking for did not get a divorce but did seperate for over six months. Stbx had an emotional and physical affair ten years ago. Long story short, I took stbx back and now I have tons of regrets.
bigguy3
bigguy3
It is really up to you and what you will feel comfortable with. I know that if I didn't try everything in my power to try and save my marriage that I would have had serious regrets.

It was her decision to file for divorce. She had emotionally divorced me in her head years before she finally filed. I was still in love with her 6 months after the divorce was final. I am content in the knowledge that I did what I needed to in order for me to be at peace with MYSELF.

I have since been able to fully let go of the feelings I had for her and I am happier and more at peace than I have been in years. I suggest you search your thoughts and determine what it is you need ... then talk to your spouse and let him know what it is you need. I would not wish the pain of divorce on my worst enemy but sometimes it is necessary. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I accepted first physical affair in 2004 and got "past" it. It happened again. I split, rather kicked her to the curb. You need to get in marital counseling to find out why he chose to be with another emotionally if/you decide to stay married. I am a strong believer that people deserve a 2nd chance but fool me twice, shame on me. Don't throw in the towel, but he SHOULD own his end of it. Changing jobs and/or shifts SHOULD be his first priority in helping you deal with the aftermath, IF he's serious about working it out with you. Seperate from no contact with the other person, he should look elsewhere for a job.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I got to the point where lifestyle didn't matter anymore -- the pain of knowing what she did was too great. Similar to your situation, they work together, and it became impossible for me to trust her. That's not a marriage. I agree with some other comments here that you should try to figure out why he had the emotional attachment to another before deciding on next steps. Divorce should be the last option, in my opinion.
CanadianRose
CanadianRose
I have absolutely no regrets about my divorce.

I just wish I had followed thru and listen to my little voice.. and divorced him back in 1993.

I found out most recently that he was a Big Time Cheater. It hurts big time....hurts having to admit that this is happening to your relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think the hardest thing for me to accept is that he let someone else into his heart (next to them working together), that hurts so bad. I'm afraid that I will never be able to trust, I will always have this pain rip through me, that I will never feel secure, that it will happen again. They are too damn close, the opportunity is too easy, he That I don't know if I can take. What each of you said had words/thoughts that struck a cord. I will take that with me as I work through my thoughts and feelings. I thank all of you for letting me into your "world" and letting me hear your thoughts.
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