Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
For the past 2 months my husband and I have been separated. He has seen the kids on weekends. Sometimes during the week. Things are getting better between us. Not that we are getting back together but we can be civil. Anyway he had the kids this past weekend and they cut my daughters hair to where she now has bangs. We have never cut her yet. Also my husband's girlfriend took a shower with my daughter. Now my husband tells me he wants joint custody. He wants the kids every other week. Can someone please give me advice. I don't really know what to do. If we do this joint custody thing, then what is a good arrangement? I don't even know if this is a good thing because the kids will be shuffled back and forth with no stablity.
deleted_user
Go get a book on custody from the library. I got Divorce for Dummies. But there are many out there that talk about custody arrangements and how you can share.
deleted_user
Most likely you will both have joint custody, however, h=you will have (I think it's called) custodial custody, where the kids live with you. That's how it works in NY state anyhow. But yes, seek legal advice about that.
deleted_user
How old is your daughter, I would be really upset about the shower thing. With the hair you can't do much about it now, it is done, but the shower, I would definately say something and let the know it is not acceptable.
deleted_user
mom's house, dad's house is a really good book and has some information on custody. i have been very hesitant about filing my divorce papers and this is really my biggest fear--that her father will change his mind and want shared custodial custody. i feel selfish, but this would kill me. good luck. i think taking a shower with your child is insane. i would totally flip out.that seems beyond inappropriate to me.
deleted_user
my wife and i have been seperated for 5 months and the kids have lived with me for the 5 months and we are in mediation.She has conseded to give me primary custody which means the live with me and go to schols where i live. should things go bad with her and her boy freind i would be able to get child support. As well the parent schedual will work out as i want and not as she deems. keep in mind what u want for kids, as u go forward and any info u can get in a book or from a lawyer is a good thing
verbra
OMG A shower I would have something to say about that and the hair. Use this in your custody battle to try to get majority of the custody. A shower PLEASE HOW RUDE! I am seeking 100% custody for my two kids because my stbx can't offer them any stability, he doesn't even have a place of his own to live.
deleted_user
thanks for the support guys, my husband doesn't have a place of his own to live now either. he couldn't afford the rent where he was living so he has moved in with some of his girlfriends friends. the shower does piss me off and I plan on saying something to my stbx when I see him again. He called yesterday and asked if I thought about the joint custody thing. I told him we need to talk about a few things first and he got pissed at me and hung up the phone. He is just not willing to communiate with me. I don't understand how he expects to share custody of the kids if we don't talk to each other.
deleted_user
Your girl should not be taking showers with the girlfriend. That is really not good. Bounderiers really need to be set with your husband.
Thriver
I agree, the shower is a problem. Also, it sounds like there are multiple adults in the house. I would worry about that as well. I remember that a few years ago, a little girl sitting at the breakfast table was abducted by a friend of the parents who had slept on the sofa, while the parents were in the bathroom. In 5 minutes he got far enough away to eventually rape and kill the little girl.
Thriver
How about visitation during the day, but no overnights?
deleted_user
Shower is an issue and will be frowned upon in court. Shared parenting with one having primary custody is the way to go. This is the battle now with stbx. I have them Mon and Tues- She has them Wed and Thurs- and we alternate every other Fri, Sat and Sun. My oldest who is in school has continued to excel through this process. She is still attempting full custody but the motion was denied
deleted_user
How can he even ask for shared custody when he has no where to live? If the children were to spend a week at his house and a week at your house,, seems to me that he would have to provide the house for the kids to be at? Maybe I don't understand?
deleted_user
Yeah I completely agree. My hardest part is I want to the kids to be able to spend time with him. I don't want to be the mean ex wife that never lets him see his kids. I just don't want to the kids to get shuffled back and forth. I don't know how good that will be for them.
deleted_user
I agree about the stability thing. doesn't seem right to uproot them just as life gets settled. Tell him you are willing to talk about other options. The shower thing would have outraged me. I don't think it is OK for another adult to take a shower with someone else's children same sex or not. Seems innocent enough, but innocent and appropriate are two different things. As far as the haircut...My ex gave my gorgeous son a crew cut the day before I was having his pic made! GAAA! Ask him to discuss it with you in the future before he does anything like that. I just wonder what's next peircings, tatoos? Kidding, at least I hope.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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