Remember that scene from the Wizard of Oz... where the curtain is pulled back to reveal the little non-magical guy speaking into that contraption to create the illusion of "the Great Wizard"???

Ever wonder just how much we are all like that?

I bought into my stbx's illusion for years - and the longer I am away, the more I see through the curtain, so to speak.

Do you feel that people sometimes spend extra energy projecting a false identity to cover up who they really feel they are inside? Do you see this with your stbx more than anyone else?

Or is that just stating the obvious?

With my stbx - she pretends to be weak and powerless when she's the most controlling manipulative person I have ever met.

She puts on a great show with charm and sweetness when behind closed doors she is bitter, acidic and angry.

She spends an inordinate amount of time getting ready to leave the house - even to get gas or grab milk from the store - because she feels ugly (even though she's not ugly at all).

This one still gets me - she pretends to not understand something in order to get extra information or to get the upper hand in a transaction.

I have seen her pull this time and again... she pretends to have no idea what someone is talking about when in fact she knows a great deal about what they are talking about. She is far more intelligent and aware than she ever lets on.

And yes - this observation has also made me take a good long look at my own defenses as well.

None of us are terrible horrible people - even my stbx! But so many of us just seem to spin our wheels trying to hide from the truth of who we are, rather than just "fess up" and live with authenticity.

Divorce is certainly a learning experience, if nothing else.