
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

riverwalker
Remember that scene from the Wizard of Oz... where the curtain is pulled back to reveal the little non-magical guy speaking into that contraption to create the illusion of "the Great Wizard"???
Ever wonder just how much we are all like that?
I bought into my stbx's illusion for years - and the longer I am away, the more I see through the curtain, so to speak.
Do you feel that people sometimes spend extra energy projecting a false identity to cover up who they really feel they are inside? Do you see this with your stbx more than anyone else?
Or is that just stating the obvious?
With my stbx - she pretends to be weak and powerless when she's the most controlling manipulative person I have ever met.
She puts on a great show with charm and sweetness when behind closed doors she is bitter, acidic and angry.
She spends an inordinate amount of time getting ready to leave the house - even to get gas or grab milk from the store - because she feels ugly (even though she's not ugly at all).
This one still gets me - she pretends to not understand something in order to get extra information or to get the upper hand in a transaction.
I have seen her pull this time and again... she pretends to have no idea what someone is talking about when in fact she knows a great deal about what they are talking about. She is far more intelligent and aware than she ever lets on.
And yes - this observation has also made me take a good long look at my own defenses as well.
None of us are terrible horrible people - even my stbx! But so many of us just seem to spin our wheels trying to hide from the truth of who we are, rather than just "fess up" and live with authenticity.
Divorce is certainly a learning experience, if nothing else.
Ever wonder just how much we are all like that?
I bought into my stbx's illusion for years - and the longer I am away, the more I see through the curtain, so to speak.
Do you feel that people sometimes spend extra energy projecting a false identity to cover up who they really feel they are inside? Do you see this with your stbx more than anyone else?
Or is that just stating the obvious?
With my stbx - she pretends to be weak and powerless when she's the most controlling manipulative person I have ever met.
She puts on a great show with charm and sweetness when behind closed doors she is bitter, acidic and angry.
She spends an inordinate amount of time getting ready to leave the house - even to get gas or grab milk from the store - because she feels ugly (even though she's not ugly at all).
This one still gets me - she pretends to not understand something in order to get extra information or to get the upper hand in a transaction.
I have seen her pull this time and again... she pretends to have no idea what someone is talking about when in fact she knows a great deal about what they are talking about. She is far more intelligent and aware than she ever lets on.
And yes - this observation has also made me take a good long look at my own defenses as well.
None of us are terrible horrible people - even my stbx! But so many of us just seem to spin our wheels trying to hide from the truth of who we are, rather than just "fess up" and live with authenticity.
Divorce is certainly a learning experience, if nothing else.
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And my X totally puts up an A** K*****g personality to those he meets. But the hell with his own family. He is so arrogant...doesn't seem to care though.
I think that some people behave this way because they are very out of touch with their emotions and they have a lot of insecurities. Some people do it on purpose and others don't even realize they are doing. Either way, it is hard to deal with people like this.
you are right there is nothing more important than living an authentic life, and being genuine to urself and others.
But we have to remember we are with our X's for years we change as do them and sometimes the person they ecome isn't something we like. It does not follow from this that they always were as they are today.
I THINK IT MISTAKE TO THINK THAT THERE IS AN UNCHANGEABLE SELF INSIDE ANYONE. IF YOU THINK THAT THEN U WILL ALWAYS BE HURT THE POINT IS TO CHANGE WITH THE OTHER AND INTO A BETTER PERSON, IF NOT THEN IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR EITHER PERSON!!
It is a bit scary to have to admit to my insecurities, and to lengths I went to,to deal with them.
I have been trying to do better,but man it is not easy.I'm hoping that by being more honest with myself, I can be more honest with others.
Not just about who I am but about how I feel.Scary stuff this.
I DID ask for help from his parents, more than once. Explaining that he needed to take more of a part with the children and not be resentful, to try to explain financial issues... No, I was just a controlling B***h! I'm still the rotten one, even though he's the one who chose to leave without any attempt at working things out. Now his father leaves obnoxious messages "hope you're all doing well..."- yeah, ok! Have spent the past 8+ years doing nothing for myself and everything for my family. Problem was I wasn't "attentive" enough to him!
I have nothing else to add, dear, just hate to see your nice discussion get buried in all of tonight's turmoil.
So I wonder....did he like these things all along? Just who is he or did he pretend for??? Me or her? Since he left, yes, I've changed. But I haven't changed my taste in music or coffee. Or anything else! What do you call that?????