I seem to be fighting the desire to create a situation in which it is impossible to be with him. It seems to be the only way that my brain can wrap around the idea that we won't be together anymore. Thru all the bull, I never thought of the end without the "til death" part of the vow. I guess he doesn't feel as strongly about that part as I do. I guess I feel like I would be better equipped to deal with his death than a decision to leave me. He is a cop, wonder if that has something to do with it. I hope no one thinks this is me thinking about killing him, cause that is definitely not something I am talking about. I'm only talking about emotions connected to one versus the other. Maybe I'm just nuts.
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