Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Post divorce choices-parenting vs. self

deleted_user
deleted_user
During the divorce, I told him I wanted primary custody as I had been the primary caregiver for 13 years, and he pretty much didn\'t have a clue how to raise kids. He never paid bills, made doctor\'s appointments, cooked, shopped, or helped kids with homework. He insisted he wanted primary custody, but we settled for joint physical custody.

Now he is remarried, and I despise the fact that I not only have to share my kids with a man I now hate, but with his wife who at one point while we were still married and they were friends, would jokingly say \"I\'m just using your husband to get to your baby.\"

So now he can give them a family life, as his wife takes care of everything for him. I would like to move on with my life. I always wanted to go back to school, but don\'t have enough time or money for it right now. In order to stay in the same school district as he insisted I do, I needed to buy a house I can\'t afford.

Which brings me to this question- should I give up on joint custody, at least for a few years, sell the house and move on with my life by going back to school? Then I would be working on myself instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself. What would make me a better parent? Sacrifice myself by pretending to provide a home for the kids? Or become myself a better person, but make my kids second in priority?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I could help you with this one but I believe that I may end up in the same situation but prior to the divorce being final. I am going to try my hardest to be able to get whatever I can for my kids and to pay the bills and everything but I don\'t know how I can do it myself. I would certainly tallk with a lawyer before you make a decision like that. If anything, I would have it stipulate that he is getting temporary physical custody...with emphasis on temporary. Be specific as well if you do it, for example: your children will be under the temporary physical custody duing the time frame that it takes you to go to school or to work to save up the money to provide a stable environment for them.

Take care;
Tina
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is not an easy question and you are really the only one that can answer it. I would think a lot might depend on the ages of the children and how long would it take you to accomplish what your goal is.
I agree with seeking legal advise, if you do this, to amend the divorce judgement.
Best of luck in whatever you choose.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First,before you consult an attourney (which is always a good idea once you have a plan of action),Find out just how good those people are as parents, but you MUST be objective about it. If you think you can trust them as parents while you get an education, then see an attourney about getting the divorce order amended (and make sure that it has teeth!!). Bettering yourself is always a god idea whenever practical, and making yourself a better person will be seen by your kids, and they should think more of you for it. Just remember not to shout/fight amongst the ex and his wife around them, eh?

Uther
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