Fruit-Seems like you want total control over other's lives. So what if he has porn? Does that detract from your relationship? Besides porn can get on one's computer without going and looking for it. If you want this relationship to continue I would back off on that behvior. Then again you (or him) may not want this reltionship to continue. He is right if porn makes you so untrusting then he will lie-- kind of a Catch 22 situation.

Maybe you are not giving him the sexual attention he needs. This is just an analogy so do not be offended. If you only cook for him two nights out of the week he will have to go out to eat else where. The porn is his fast food to curve his appetite.

My ex husband was a porn addict. This in and of itself didn't bother me. Not in the least. What bothered me was his emailing women from these sites and asking them for photos, and sometimes, to meet him. Funny, I have not one porn pop up on my computer now and he used this machine too. What caught my eye is your sentence, "help me to be strong so I can feel like a person again". There is much more here than just pornography.

I think it is normal for some men to have a minimal amount of porn on their computer. But when it over takes their lives (like it did for my stbx) it is damaging. He looked at porn and visited those sites at least 8 hours a day and would live for everyone to be gone every day so he could log in. He even stopped working a full time job so he wouldnbn't miss his webcaming. You will know what is too much. Mine was into web caming and paying hundreds of dollars each month, meeting women and paying them "roses" I would suggest a keylogger program or a super slueth program for a few days and find it is just curosity or something you can't live with. I found out more than I ever wanted to know in just 3 days. But I also found it was something I was not going to spend the rest of my with either. Sounds like your guy is just an average guy but if you are that curious...

I think it is normal for some men to have a minimal amount of porn on their computer. But when it over takes their lives (like it did for my stbx) it is damaging. He looked at porn and visited those sites at least 8 hours a day and would live for everyone to be gone every day so he could log in. He even stopped working a full time job so he wouldnbn't miss his webcaming. You will know what is too much. Mine was into web caming and paying hundreds of dollars each month, meeting women and paying them "roses" I would suggest a keylogger program or a super slueth program for a few days and find it is just curosity or something you can't live with. I found out more than I ever wanted to know in just 3 days. But I also found it was something I was not going to spend the rest of my with either. Sounds like your guy is just an average guy but if you are that curious...

I think it is normal for some men to have a minimal amount of porn on their computer. But when it over takes their lives (like it did for my stbx) it is damaging. He looked at porn and visited those sites at least 8 hours a day and would live for everyone to be gone every day so he could log in. He even stopped working a full time job so he wouldnbn't miss his webcaming. You will know what is too much. Mine was into web caming and paying hundreds of dollars each month, meeting women and paying them "roses" I would suggest a keylogger program or a super slueth program for a few days and find it is just curosity or something you can't live with. I found out more than I ever wanted to know in just 3 days. But I also found it was something I was not going to spend the rest of my with either. Sounds like your guy is just an average guy but if you are that curious...

fruitfly,

There is also a forum for sex/pornography that I belong to!

I cannot beleive that you people are telling her what you are telling her! Porn is NOT NORMAL...It is a REAL ISSUE...ONE THAT SCREWES UP MARRIAGES!

My god...go to hte forum I was tellign her abotu ansd read what other women are saying about all this...it is ruining more marriages in todays society than you people know!

it has nothign to do with not giving them enough sex...nor not cooking for them...it makes a woman feel liek she is NOT ENOUGH!

Come on people...a little bit more empathy here...please???????

Sorry, but I am gogin through couseling and support for my husband over this, so if it sounds like I got on a soap box...sorry, but I DID!

It might not bother some people, but it bothers YOU. It seems like he is sneaking it, which can be as much of a problem as the porn itself. I'm with spinachlover on this one - I don't think it is acceptable... ~P

I, too, think my ex's porn habit on the internet contributed to the end of our marriage. Why come to me for intimacy if he had that? It was easier and always readily available without any work. After we split, I took our computer to the shop to have it professionally cleaned and all the porn images removed. There were hundreds of them. It cost me more than $200. And, yes, it can definitely be a big deal. Porn enjoyed with your significant other is not a problem. Porn sneaked away on a habitual basis while you LIE TO your spouse is. Please seek help. You are a person. You always were and have been.

Porn addiction is just that , it's an addiction. Not to be dismissed or excused in anyway. It is natural to be curious about sexual behaviors, but it is never healthy to have an addiction. Satan uses this wonderful world of the internet to have the largest net of sinful lust at everyone's fingertips. I am not a hypocrite. I have looked at pornography out of curiosity, and I can tell you that I know for sure it's evil. Would you look at it in front of family? would you look at it in front of your co-workers ? would you let everyone know about this addiction ? Of course not, it's embarassing, because it's wrong. He hides it because he's embarassed. You see when people continue to view pornography their sexual appetite grows and grows and " normal " sex with your partner becomes less interesting because there's no 3 ring circus in the bedroomn like on the Web Porn. God burned down soddom and gamora for a reason.

What matters here is the fact that it bothers you, fruitfly. And you've voiced that to him and he's basically put it off that you are possibly jealous.

What would he do if the tables were turned? Sometimes men feel it's okay, but if they found their women looking at naked men, talking in chat rooms, emailing old flames, or even making new male relationships online that she doesn't talk about - I don't see how they'd NOT question it.

And no matter who's doing it - it SHOULD be questioned.

In my marriage, my stbx not only cheated in the town here with a co-worker, but he got online and met streams of women. He called them, emailed them, I found chat room conversations so suggestive and to the point it was sickening...his live affair gave way to his going further on the internet and I'm sure vice versa.

You can be anything you want to be on the internet and no one would know the difference. If a marriage is in trouble, why would you go to a device such as the internet to get 'help' for your marriage? Who ARE you talking to anyway?? They could tell you anything you wanted to hear and if you're lonely in your marriage, that influence helps you to drift further away from your spouse. How is that fair to your spouse? An outside influence helped you to look badly at your marriage. Not fair at all. You could be talking to inmates, children..God knows who and you take it to heart that this 'person' cares for you and the advice they give should be taken. Very sad...

If he feels he's missing something from you, he needs to tell you instead of looking on the internet for it. He has that obligation as your husband. That's what marriage is about. Talking, not sneaking. I feel if he has to look at porn, then it could be done right in front of you and not be hidden. If he feels it's okay, why hide it?

And if you have a history on it with dates and times, then YES he's looking at it..it just doesn't POP up in your history unless it's gone to and looked at. And honest sites - the ones I go to - don't have porn popping up unless you've been to a site associated with it. I go to college and have a full time job and I don't have porn popping up and I'm almost on the internet 12 hours a day sometimes.

Point is, with looking at this stuff, sometimes it leads to 'other' stuff. The internet has ways of making you brave. When self esteem and coinfidence is low, being told you're really great or misunderstood at home..or not given enough attention..that's a great way to look for other outlets like live affairs.

Hope it all works out for you and you find the strength you need.

I caught my husband online looking at porn. I know I am a "rarity" but I didnt mind him looking at porn, or going to srip clubs (he went twice in 6 years) or anything like that. I am not a jelous person. But I caught him online, in the act of looking at porn. The reason why it makes me so mad it. A. He lies about it. He has NO reason to. He knows "i dont care". Its the lying part that I care about. B. I recently found these pictures SAVED TO DISK. Now this my sound stupid but in my opinion looking is one thing, saving them to disk, thats another. We stopped having sex a couple of years ago. Well it was a once in a while thing the first year, and most of the second year, now we dont at all. All the girls hes looks at are opposite of me. Blonde (im not), short (im tall), so on so forth. I can say that this was the start of the end for us, but not the act of it. The lies that go with it!

I'm with Spinachlover on this one. I can't believe what people are saying about this. It's NOT normal. I dont care if you stopped having sex for 6 months or a year. That is NOT ok. It's an addiction like any other addiction..... Then your husband makes the comment " he says that if I trusted him he wouldnt lie." That has got to be one of the most assanine comments I ever heard in my life.......
(ok I'm done ranting now...) That's just stupid. It's not normal!!!