Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 12/08/2007

Hello,

I am new to this site and am desperate for some help.
I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 4.
He is a nice guy, treats me well and does not deserve to be hurt by me.
The thing is I don't think i want to be with him any more.
I don't think I can leave him though. There are many reasons for this.....
He has no family of friends
He has mental illness and I am not sure he would come through a devorce.
He is about to have an opperation which will see him layed up for weeks and has no one else to look after him.
I do love him but it feels more like you would love your friend or relative.

I have spent to long thinking this through now that I am confused. I don't know if I have just convinced myself that I don't love him or I really dont love him. I know I don't want to hurt him.
God I think I am going mad. I can not concentraite on anything.
I am at uni and have assesments next week but just cant face going in. I am going to fail.
How do I decide what to do? How do I stop this sick feeling in my tummy for a while, I am tired of it.
Please help.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Go to marriage counceling. It helps and I would stay by his side after the surgery, given the years you have been together.
I wish you the best.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

I agree with kulia. Hang in there a while, get counseling to help you decide which direction to go and what is really important to you. It takes time to figure it all out and much easier to stay in a marriage than get out. You trade one set of problems for another. Good luck.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Go to counseling. You might regret later that you left.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

You must start remembering why you even consided marry surly you must have Loved him or you wouldn't have stayed with him for 12yrs before you decided to marry him at some point you must have Loved him search your HEART you have just forgot you Loved him

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Thank you guys for taking the time to reply.
I do intend to stay with him untill he has recovered from his opp regardless of anything else.
Should I tell him how I am feeling? I want to but I am scared that it will make him flip out.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Please don't leave him now. You want to be able to get up in the morning and like who you see looking back in the mirror.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

I am so sorry. Your pain really comes through in your words. Yes, I agree with the others. Go to counselling. It will help you make sure that you are making the right decision and it will help him get through this if you do leave. Take care.

sundance1958 12/08/2007

I can understand your empathy for your husband. You are seem to be a very considerate person but you are still young and you can't live your life out of obligation. You may be feeling overwhelmed right now and just want to run from all of it and no one could blame you. But you have to be able to live with yourself, some people could walk away very easily as you will hear on this site. I don't think it would be easy at all for you but it almost seems to me you are losing yourself in his problems and that isn't healthy for you. I think perhaps all these things he is dealing with has perhaps changed him from the person you once loved. Maybe now you see him and things in a different light. It does not make you terrible but you can't go down with the ship.

CanadianRose 12/08/2007

You are under a tremendous amount of stress right now.
Uncertainity about your future, about the outcome of his surgery and how the whole couple dynamics will be.

Yes, go for counselling please. You need assistance to be able to cope and to get thru this. Whatever happens in the future will happen.

You must take care of what is happening now. Figure out what you need to do.

Glad that you are not walking out of the relationship, that shows your strength and your sense of loyality and caring...and yes love that you possess.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Thanks for the great responce. I am going to look in to counceling.
I only hope he is strong enough to cope with that as he is quite a private person.
I will not leave him before his surgery. We have been together to long to just walk out and say thats that but I think i know in my heart of hearts that it is over.
In your experiance, does any one actually manage to remaine friends after a devorce?

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Hind sight is 20/20. I just wish my stbx had come to me and told me how he felt instead of waiting until the day he had found OW. I didn't know he was looking for someone else, I truly think (maybe wishful thinking on my part) that if we had been so honest about ourselves and our feelings and had talked about it, we could have worked it through. The right kind of communication is key to alot of things in life! Good luck, prayers are with you and your H. HUGS!

keepthehope 12/08/2007

You owe it to yourself and your husband to make sure the feelings you questions are just that, qoestions. You need to go to counceling with him and you before you take the next step. You need to be sure. To many marriages end without both making sure it can't be worked on.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Is he being successfully treated for mental illness, and does he have a therapist? It sounds like you feel sorry for him, and that makes the necessary spark go right down the drain.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

I agree get counseling, but after the surgery. It should help you to understand what has change or not, and then you will be able to feel good about your decision, because then if you decide to part your ways you will be better equipped to deal with leaving, and be able to set him up for support as well.

deleted_user 12/08/2007

Please try counseling. My wife refused and I still dont know why she left. It hurts every day. At least do it so if you leave you both will know why.

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