I am really serious about this. This is a rambler but HONESTLY a BIG DEAL to me. Please-help if you can! I think I might be going crazy and am wondering if anyone else feels or has felt this way. I had my first real boyfriend when I was like 19. We were different religions and that was a big deal, because his religion would disown him for even knowing me. I know that he really loved me and told me that I was the first girl he loved. A-Typical right? We tried to break up a bunch but just kept coming back. We were both virgins and ended up having sex(very against both religions). Anyways, the sex was great, the attraction was sooo great. We were off and on for about 2 years. He was pretty much ruled by his religion though and hurt me a lot because of it. We both said that we just needed to not know each other anymore because nothing could ever come of it. Anyways, stopped calling him and he didn't call me for a while. I was really being strong, trying to get over this finally. Well, I started dating my now husband. Then, my ex started to try and contact me. I ignored him. He was very persistant, leaving notes on my car and having his friends call me for random things hoping I'd call them back. Then he came into my work and talked to me. The second he left my real boyfriend walked in. He was pissed and told me not to talk to him again. Well, I called him the next day to just see what the heck he wanted. He said he just wanted to be cool with me and that if we saw each other in town that it wouldn't be awkward. He said he hated the avoidence. I didn't tell him I was dating anyone. The conversation ended like we were going to be civil acquaintences. He called me and left a couple messages soon after that, but that same week, I got a new phone# and haven't talked to him since. I think if I had continued talking to him that we would probably have gotten into a relationship again. The problem is that since my husband and I have had our problems, I think about him a lot. Every day. I have sex dreams about him. I see him driving. I always am looking for him when I am out so I can avoid a run in but sometimes I wish I would run into him! What's wrong with me!! I don't want to think this way and I definately don't want the way I'm thinking now to influence my divorce decision in any way. I know it's not healthy. I have these stupid retarded thoughts that we could hook up and reconcile after my divorce, which is a possibility I guess, but I should not be thinking about this. Honestly, getting over my ex bf was soooooo much harder than what I'm going through now, it took YEARS and I wasn't even married to him. BTW, my husband now was not a rebound from him, I dated a lot inbetween. I hate this, what is wrong with me?
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