Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Please I need some advice...Im so depressed.

deleted_user
deleted_user
Im new here, so I dated this guy for 3 months I know its not long but we spent all weekends together. He would come down every friday and bring me home on sunday. I dont drive because of fear but my road test is in two weeks. He new this when he started to date me. Everything was wonderful he suprised me all the time, called me all the time telling me he was thinking of me ect. I mean seriously cooked for me we just had amazing times laughs ect. Well on friday he left me a vm saying is it ok if he picks me up tomorrow meaning saturday he has alot of things on his mind he needs to sort out and get his head clear but he'll pick me up tomorrow. I called him back and asked if it was us he said partially the driving was getting to him. I asked at the end of our converstation without thinking the answer was yes but if there was someone else he said no theres noone else but there is someone on my mind. Well saturday morning i find out from him that he went to dinner with her that friday night to clarify there feelings for each other because if she would of not had the same feelings he still was meeting me to tell me things were ok. I still love him and he says its his fault he doesnt know what the frig he's doing and that he takes full repsonsiblity he says he's liked her way before me they went out on two dates 5 months ago and he had to end things because of drama with his ex then he found me. He says he has stronger feelings for her i dont get how but its driving me to be depressed. Was he wrong is he a jerk, because he is being so honest and thats great but i cant help but want to call him ect. please help me. I did everything for him with him i was so good to him he says i was the best gf even told his mother. we were so happy why did he do this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"i find out from him that he went to dinner with her that friday night to clarify there feelings for each other because if she would of not had the same feelings he still was meeting me to tell me things were ok"


So what he is saying is that things would not be OK between the two of YOU if that woman returned his feelings. If so, that makes you his back-up. I would pull back from this relationship and not make yourself so available.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Give him time... dont' always be available... if it is meant to happen it will..otherwise he was never available for a real relationship and never will be...
FinalFantasy
FinalFantasy
Let him go.....the fact he doesnt want his "main" course....and is considering a "side" dish.....nopers babe. He's not ready for you....very sad feeling. But you'll be doing yourself a favor. Stay strong((hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Some times we rush into things that we think we are ready for and we're not. Or we don't see every thing thats right in front of us, not enough patience to see some thing grow. Sounds like your friend is going through a divorce or has been divorced and that messes with everyones head. I am sure he got himself into this situation but did not intend to hurt any one but at least he is being honest. I know that does not make you feel any better but you have to know that some one was attracted to you and even if this does not work out there will be someone else out there for you. We all take chances and sometimes it does not go the way we hoped but it does go the other way some times, you have to be brave. Keep taking chance, nothing ventured nothing gained.
deleted_user
deleted_user
so in essence, you're his 2nd choice. Do you want to be someone's second choice? Give him the boot, get your license then find someone local that wants to spend time with you. Selfish person this is, with no regard to your feelings whatsoever. He liked poss. also you were the weekend thing and he had all week with the other one. Let him go.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think that if he was truly concerned about being honest and not concerned about himself, he would have told you about the previous relationship and the date.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was the weekend girl but not like that, he lives 1 1/2 away so it was easier for the weekends. He told me saturday about the date and he was honest. Im trying so hard and i cant even get mad at him im so hurt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is harder done than said...but try to let him go. He seems to think that he can have his cake and eat it too. Find something else for YOU to do on the weekends...try to create something for you. (gee I should take that advice)...I wish you well.
LisaACOA
LisaACOA
I agree with others here you need to let him go as much as it will hurt. You will always wonder about him and her. That is not away to start a new relationship. You deserve to be happy and be someones first choice. I also agree that he should have told you about her ahead of time. That was really not nice of him to do that to you. I am really sorry for your pain but, I think it would be much worse later.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh and by the way he said he loved me about 3 weeks ago and when he felt it, then last night when i told him he couldnt of loved me to do what he did, he said he had stronger feelings for this girl.He only had two dates 5 months ago and doesnt even know her. he says he cant wonder what the outcome could of been.if it doesnt work out he will have closure i said what about what would of been with me.He works with her liked her for a while and needs to persue her. he said im near and dear to him i dont get it. this happened all within the week im so depressed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are a back up and i am sorry to say this. it is good that he is honest, but with honesty there is crap and you have to weigh through that crap; all their spewing and find the real truth and the truth is that he wants his options - and that is his prerogative as long as he doesn't keep you hanging or use you, or any other hurtful action or have lied to you and indicate that you have been in an exclusive relationship, which i am not sure of. i am sorry that you have such strong feelings for this person and it hurts, but you have to regain the power and do what someone has said previously. make yourself less available to his calls and dates, i would cut this person completely off. just take care of yourself and remember, you will smile soon.
deleted_user
deleted_user
drop him fast, you should not be anyones second choice. you'll get over him, just break-it off fast. and then just move on. i'm so sick and tired of people doing this to other people. you should always be number 1 in someons life. short and sweet, don't call me anymore, i'm no ones second choice prize. good bye
deleted_user
deleted_user
After over a year spent living with me, my ex boyfriend told me he was moving out. We needed some time apart but he still loved me. He continued to tell me that until I found out about Katie. Now he tells me he will always have feelings for me. We were just not meant to be. I was being kept as the backup, I won't allow it. I love him but I love myself more and I deserve better than that. So do you. Take back control. Tell him goodbye for good. It will hurt but not as much as feeling used and always wondering when the next girl will come along that he feels the need to be sure of. Be strong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Easier said than done but you should let him go. I know that you feel so down right now and may for a few months, but after that you will feel better. Try to find time for someone or something else.Don't play yourself by being anyones jump off. #1 or nothing babe!
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