I am trying to understand why I am so depressed and not making head way to get out of really bad marriage. Physical and mental abuse, and now I am unemployed. I allowed the abuser to break me down with my job, and I walked away from a good job. Now the abuse has gotten worse. He considers himself to be the sole breadwinner, after me working most of the marriage at 17 hour days. Now, you have to wait on him hand and foot and he still finds fault with what you do. The house is not clean enough, the animals get on his nerves. I have to do all the manual labor as far as lawn work, working on the car, and waiting on him when he comes home. He is getting carried away with being waited on, and he loves every minute of it. If something goes good, which I accomplished he takes all the credit for it. If something goes bad, he blames it on me. Through it all, I have gained an excessive amount of weight, I feel dirty when he comes home, and I suffer with depression really bad. He points out all my faults. Give you an example, we went grocery shopping, and he walks up to elderly woman who was overweight, and he said, you look just like my wife, and then he looked over at me. When we go into a store, he makes it a point to start telling the cashier my faults, and how he does everything at home. He mirrors all the bad stuff he does onto me, it is my fault. Now, he is fixing on losing his job, he drives a semi, and has 3 tickets, due for suspension. If I can't put up with him for 2 days, how will I ever put up with him for months. That is how long he is going to lose his license. I barely have the willpower to get out of bed. I see myself as some fat ugly slob. Somebody please give me some advice. We do nothing right for him here, the animals gets on his nerves, everything gets on his nerves. I have to walk around keeping everything out of his way, or he blows up. I am sick of this. I have allowed this to happen. I didn't even see what it was doing, until it has gotten to the point I don't even wish to get out of bed. Please somebody tell me what you see here. Oh, by the way, his family reinforces his behavior. My neighbor ( I live in trailer park), they see him as the lazy one and me as the strong one for all I have to do. Why don't I see myself like this? One woman even commented, if she was me, she would kick him out of the trailer. Please shed some light on this for me. I am so hurt.
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