i believe that people can change if they really want to. in this situation, i have to change myself to be a better person and love myself more. if it does not come from me, no one can fix me either. thanks, this was an excellent post.

Well they have to admit the problems and I agree WANT to change. If you can't admit there is a problem, you won't change.

Right...

I believe can change if they see they have to, and then want to. for them to see both of those things, is a far stretch when it isnt us who controls them.

We just have to worry about ourselves and learn to change to accept things like this.

someone told me recently - "a leopard can't change its spots" I agree but I disagree as well! Some people can't change, but I think others can. It depends on the person I think! Some people have to hit rock bottom in order to change, others never reach rock bottom and continue their ways.

I dont believe people change,,I tried to believe it but I just have not seen any example of it...

My X refused to change-He even said I am too old to change-I changed alot-I worked on alot about myself-I made every effort I could-because I cared and I loved him so much-because I committed to our relationship-He did not care or he would have done some work on himself.People can change if they want to-My grandpa(not the one I live with) was a mean drunk bastard-ruined his realtionship with his kids-when I was born he wanted a realtionship with me-his first grandaughter-so he changed-he wanted to-that is why it happened.

Yes, I agree that people CAN Change-I have seen it...but they have to WANT that change.

Courier-you are right. For most of our ex's, and stbx's, the only changes that we saw were temporary. A few weeks, then back to normal.

We are better off being Free to find our Lives. Surely there is something better for us.

My ex has been repeating a behavior that is reprehensible. He has been masquerading as a straight man, yet cheated on both his ex wife and I with men! He will do it again and hurt someone else because he is ashamed of who he is and would rather "use" a woman to hide behind.

I do believe people can change. Sad revelation - you can only change yourself. Not trying to be harsh... there are too many stories to not understand that people have problems that do need to be fixed. We have a history of things that have happened in our lives, but that doesn't mean we can't change to make the future better. Good luck to you.

I tried to 'Fix' things too. Real waste of time. Now that ex is gone the peace in the home far out weighs any pain. Don't pinch me...lol.

Thanks for this! I've come to this realization as well.

I agree, people repeat behavioural pattern unless they get counselling and do the work on themselves to change them.
I know what behaviours were unhealthy on my part during my marriage and have contributed to the break up but I am absolutely determined to change these and not repeat them again in the future with lots of reading, counselling, introspection etc

I agree Courier, fixing things with STBX would be impossible and put me in a worse spot than I am already in. Now I am really starting to look at guys differently, if they need my help and need fixed they are not worth it. I have seen myself repeat that behavior before.

Very few people can change their anti-social, evil, lying, stealing, and cheating ways of being. If the person has no conscience, or moral compass of any kind, they are doomed to remain BCWDA.

They will continue to cheat and look for easy way out of situations instead of dealing with their own issues. I cared enough to want to help them even when they turned their back on us. It is not up to me to save them. They are doomed to live a life of unfulfilled happiness because they keep chasing after something that they cant find in themselves. We were faced with their faults and we struggle to get through it but for us we learn to better ourselves because we know we are better then what they have shown us. They will continue to live unfulfilled lives because they can not face there inability to face themselves by their selfish actions. To all of us that survive their lack of respect for us and themselves I wish us a healthy recovery.