i'm in college and i recently broke up with my boyfriend. the breakup started as a 'break' that he wanted. i was acting outrageously whenever one little thing went wrong. i would threaten to hurt myself, kill myself, or run away. i told him horrible things to see if he would stay with me, to see how much he cared. i've been talking to my counselor and she says that i have a fear of abandonment as my father abandoned me essentially from the day i was born. i have a hard time trusting men and i just wait for them to leave/mess up/hurt me. i lash out at them. i act like i am angry when i feel like i am crumbling on the inside from pain and sadness. i feel like being abandoned by my father is no excuse to berate someone and hurt them like i did. i feel so guilty. after all that i've done, this boy still continues to talk to me about my issues and he listens if i need someone to talk to. but i am overwhelmed by loneliness. i feel like i need to give him his space, i've torn down his self esteem and my own and we need time apart. what can i do to forgive myself for hurting a person that i love so much, any suggestions? what can i do to control my actions in the future?
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