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deleted_user
Ok, I've been separated a little over two months. From the very first day I have been asked to come back to the house and spend the night with the kids. Then she would leave for the weekend, or the night, and come back sometime on Sunday/next day.
She tells me that she will just stay at her mother's, and I am really trying to be fair by saying that at the least I have some small doubt about that.
In all fairness, she has a tough time as a mother of 4, stay st home, etc... so I can see giving a break. But also in all fairness, I don't see the value of being with the kids in the house after they are asleep. At that point I am just babysitting for free.
I did this one weekend to try it and it just wasn't right. I did enjoy being home with. the kids and all the comforts etc.. but also it wasn't a good feeling for me at all.
Then she did it to me by surprise the Saturday after Thanksgiving, planned it out and didn;t even tell me until right before.
I guess the question is, and I know the answer after writing it out, is that not totally unfair to ask me to do that? I told her I won't do it again.
She tells me that she will just stay at her mother's, and I am really trying to be fair by saying that at the least I have some small doubt about that.
In all fairness, she has a tough time as a mother of 4, stay st home, etc... so I can see giving a break. But also in all fairness, I don't see the value of being with the kids in the house after they are asleep. At that point I am just babysitting for free.
I did this one weekend to try it and it just wasn't right. I did enjoy being home with. the kids and all the comforts etc.. but also it wasn't a good feeling for me at all.
Then she did it to me by surprise the Saturday after Thanksgiving, planned it out and didn;t even tell me until right before.
I guess the question is, and I know the answer after writing it out, is that not totally unfair to ask me to do that? I told her I won't do it again.
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1. Why can't the kids go and stay with you for the weekend where you're living?
2. Why do you think being with YOUR kids is babysitting?
Good luck!
Unfortunately, until you are in a place that they can come to you this is how it is going to have to be if you want to see them.....cant you work out some type of visitation schedule so she cant just come and go at whim.
But please, dont call it babysitting because it's not, it's a father spending time with his kids because that IS what is important.
if you wanna clean up the situation and not be taken advantage of, get your house in order, get a schedule of visitation with the kids, and after that tell her no more.
Sounds like she has given you lots of oprotuninties to be w/ your kids. And it nice of her to leave so you can just enjoy them and your 4 children get to enjoy you.
"but also it wasn't a good feeling for me at all."
Why would you say that? You were with your kids. I am sorry, but I feel bad for your kids and your stbx. She needs a break and you need TIME with your kids. Please do it as much as possible, they are only young once.
I am trying to be a friend to you right now.
It sounds as though the issue is that you feel like you're being used and you don't like the idea of her having a life outside of being a mom. I'm not defending her, because I don't know the circumstances (perhaps she IS acting irresponsibly or immaturely), but that's besides the point. You can't control her behavior, only your own. As long as she's not harming the children or exposing them to her behavior, there's nothing that you can do. Does she have a say in what YOU do with your free time?
I don't mean to sound harsh, because given the same circumstances I know that I would be worried/jealous of what my X was doing...it's human nature. Try not to focus on her, but on the time that you have with your kids.
OK, I'll get off my soapbox now.