I just don't understand all of these emotions. For months I have been "ready" I've been waiting to be able to file for my divorce and now that I have I keep having these strange moments. Like I just took the trash out and caught a glimpse of the Christmas lights and burst out in tears because he made such a production about putting up the lights for me because I liked them so much. There was so much wrong with our relationship, but there were things that were nice. Why is it that the things that were nice are creeping up and hurting me right now? Because we don't have any children and everything is in my name (I sponsored him to move here from the UK. Our divorce will be final sometime this week. He's still living here, he's looking for a place to live and I have to admit he's being better than he's been...well probably our whole married life. I go back and forth between feeling happy and guilty~relieved and sad~responsible and angry~excited and scared. I realize that part of why I feel the way I do is because of the way I've allowed him to control me for the past years and now that I've taken my life back it's a little unsettling. If anybody has any books that would be helpful, I would love the suggestions...I do well with reading. Also, I may not post much...but I never would have made it this far without you all. What a wonderful group. Thank you.
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