i used to think it was best for the children to stay married until one day one of them asked why we fight so much.... they see/know more than we let on. (yikes, we haven't told them we are getting a divorce yet...maybe they already know)

I remember everytime they fought I would just cry because I knew I couldn't stop it. When my brother was a teenager, he always got into fights because that was his way of venting his anger over my parents' dysfunctional (and that's an understatement) relationship.

I don't believe it is worth it for many reasons. When you stay in a lovless or disrespectful marriage. 1. You suffer 2. this affects your ability to give to your children. 3. Models dysfunction, abuse, neglect, poor self esteem. Would you wish this for your kids.

The best thing you can do for your kids is teach them to respect themselves and protect themselves then give in a relationship.

I think it is worth it to try to repair a marriage for the sake of the kids. Any marriage can be repaired and love can be restored if two people want it and are willing to work at it.

My mom stayed with my alcoholic father for the sake of us kids. In the long run I think it was better for us because we grew up with good discipline. My mom is very easy going and me and my siblings would have walked all over her if my parents divorced.

I look at how my children have responded by having their parents literally hate one another for the last year and a half and I know it is no good. I try to get along with the ex for the sake of the kids. Unfortunately, his girlfriend, the one he left us for, will not allow him to get along with me. I think she has trust issues with that. This I know is not a good situation for the kids.

I was one of 8 brothers and sisters. My parents are passed away, they were married 49 years. They fought, and they hugged. They did not have a perfect marraige, but it was real and down to earth.

Score for the kids?
2 of us are multiple divorced.
One divorced once and hasnt been same since.
One has been seperated 20 years but still married.
One is happily married long term. She says she likes to keep her husband guessing to keep his attention.
3 never married with one of them now passed away.

It depends on who we pick for our partners and their experience. I think I would have stayed married to both of my wifes if it were up to me only. That was my background. First wife came from divorced family. Second wife came from divorced and remarried family. I think I made the mistake of assuming everyone who got married stayed married.

My kids are grown and appear happily married to working wifes. I have grandchildren so if I live long enough I will see how things go with them...lol.

Stay for children sakes? I dont know. Some stay no matter what, some dont.

My daughter told me that she couldn't beleive I stayed as long as I had.

She would have left a long time ago if he had treated her that way.

I don't think we were together 'for the kids' any longer than we were together. But I think we were together because of the kids.. I felt we were just now 'parents'. I noticed we drifted but we made it work figuring maybe after the kids were gone we'd get together again.

Me's likin this freedom though. I think my son is the loser in all this, my daughter had her parents 8 years longer.

We all have such different stories of our lives. My mom finally asked my alcoholic father to leave after he took his first punch at my mom. My 12 year old brother had my father down on the living room floor by the throat because he was so angry that my dad layed a hand on my mom. all of us kids {we are over 45 now)have scars that affect us in relationships as adults. so either way harm occurs.

i thought so until i could see that my child was learning to disrespect me, too. divorce is also very hard on childre, so, it isn't always the clearest choice. we didn't interact, so there wasn't exactly fighting, but there wasn't any healthy communication either.

i grew up the same way you did. no love, no hugs, no tenderness, or gentleness. emotional abuse. and they stuck it out, when my mom found out she had stage iv cancer, she didn't want any treatment, i think she just said, heres my way out, and died 21 days later, but dad got one up on her, he died the same day as she did just two years later. now i'm looking into my childhood and trying to fix the damage. but, i do know they loved me the best they could. and thats what i remember about them now. i'm moving on.

I am amazed that my parents are still together even after all the kids moved away. There love is more of a cohabitaion. They always nag on each other but I know if anything every happened to one or the other I know either one would be devistated. There lack of affection and showing it caused a lot of issues in my marriage. It is amazing what things can get passed down in childhood that impact your adult life. I wished my parents did communicate and should me how to do the same. But hey that is the past I am breaking the chain. Even though my marriage could not live on what was engrained on me I will make sure my kids have a better understanding of comunication and openess and understanding. I will break the cycle that was passed down over time in my family especially my fathers issues.

THis is a very complicated question. I am filing for a divorce after 24 years. My kids are 19 and 20. Many times over the years I asked myself. Is staying married what best for my family or leaving. Until 4 weeks ago the answer was always it best to stay and make this work, but the last time I asked myself thsi question the answer wa sits best for meand the kids that I leave. I am very glad my childern grew with the stablity of a mother nad a father in thier home. I guess it depends a lot on why you are concirdering the divorce and if you still have hope that things could get better betweenthe two of you.

In my opinion, if you're going to pretend to do something as selfless as stay together for the sake of the children, then you have to really do it in a selfless way... put your own "stuff" aside, truly respect each other and do it 100%.

Anything less IS just pretending and the kids will see right thru it, get mixed messages, and end up disfunctional as adults because they got a warped picture of what it meant to be husband and wife.

Continuing to live under the same roof with contempt for each other doesn't do anyone any good.

My parents nearly destroyed us staying together.