
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
I need your help to understand something please. I have been dating a man for about a month. He seems very sweet and I enjoy my time with him immensely.
My problem: He insists on paying for everything. I know this wouldn't be a problem for SOME out there, but I have been on my own and made my own way since I was 17 yo. I have worked since I have been 12yo, making my own money. I grew up in a very, very poor, but very, very happy family. I am not a materialistic person and like to spoiled with someone's attention and caring rather than $$ or gifts. He does GREAT with the attention stuff, but he never lets me pay for anything. When I grabbed the check before he could the other day he didn't get "mad or angry", but he got kind of pouty (in a nice way, i guess). I could see that it was REALLY bothering him. So i asked, "You are REALLY have a hard time with this, aren't you?" and he replied that he felt it just 'isn't right'. He let me but he didn't care for it. He got over it quick enough, but I ended up feeling bad that it upset him. My question, I guess, is what exactly is it that he is thinking? Am I somehow insulting him as a man by insisting on paying sometimes? I have never dealt with this before, not anyone so insistant. I could see it, maybe, for the first date. I find it weird. Help - I really like this man! Thanks guys!!
My problem: He insists on paying for everything. I know this wouldn't be a problem for SOME out there, but I have been on my own and made my own way since I was 17 yo. I have worked since I have been 12yo, making my own money. I grew up in a very, very poor, but very, very happy family. I am not a materialistic person and like to spoiled with someone's attention and caring rather than $$ or gifts. He does GREAT with the attention stuff, but he never lets me pay for anything. When I grabbed the check before he could the other day he didn't get "mad or angry", but he got kind of pouty (in a nice way, i guess). I could see that it was REALLY bothering him. So i asked, "You are REALLY have a hard time with this, aren't you?" and he replied that he felt it just 'isn't right'. He let me but he didn't care for it. He got over it quick enough, but I ended up feeling bad that it upset him. My question, I guess, is what exactly is it that he is thinking? Am I somehow insulting him as a man by insisting on paying sometimes? I have never dealt with this before, not anyone so insistant. I could see it, maybe, for the first date. I find it weird. Help - I really like this man! Thanks guys!!
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Obviously you have strong feelings about this and it makes you uncomfortable. Talk to him about it. If he is really "an old fashion guy" he will understand without much problem. If he does not understand, then you owe it to yourself to think it through really long and hard.
She didn't seem to mind, but when she did, I didn't complain, I just let her pay what she felt comfortable with.
OK, here is what you do. Plan a date for him. Tell him that you want to do something nice for him. Treat him to a night out. Arrange payment in advance, or keep the money transactions out of his sight so he does not feel uncomfortable.
He could be like me and likes to do things for others, but finds it hard to accept it in return.
Just my 2 cents.
My bf (of 5 months) won't even let me pay if we go to the grocery store for my groceries anymore...or if we make a trip to walmart or anything. Basically, what I try to do is kind things for him in return...grabbing his laundry and doing that before he can say anything...apparently him paying is something that makes him feel good so I don't take it away from him but I have my own sneaky ways to repay him. :-)
Personally, I am glad to hear they are still churning out old school guys out there.
I'm sure this guy was just raised that men should be the providers. Sorry I'm not a guy, but I figured I could help shed some light.
Good luck, this is YOUR issue and one that might need a bit of tweaking in my opinion!