Okay, so I'm only 18, so not really a man yet, but I am a male, so I can help (sorta). Men like paying. It's a fact of life. They want to know that you are appreciated,and not bothered. I've been in this same situation. It goes way back when men were the ones paying for things, and the women just take care of home and the family. We want to pay, because we want to...I dunno. It's a weird way of showing that we do care for you. Think of it as a compliment. Save your money.

Insist he be in tune with your feelings also. Otherwise you will forget about your own values in time and become a party to his feelings only.

Ok so I'm not a guy. But i was a single mom for 10 years and paid all my own expenses. it is hard to allow this. Personally I say go for it. If it is really unfortable with it maybe you guys can come up with a compromise. Good Luck

Sometimes men were just raised this way. I am that way. However, this is not always healthy. A man can get into the habit of being the protector. I have learned the hard way that this is not always a good thing nor is it healthy for him or you. Men do want to pay most of the time, however.

Obviously you have strong feelings about this and it makes you uncomfortable. Talk to him about it. If he is really "an old fashion guy" he will understand without much problem. If he does not understand, then you owe it to yourself to think it through really long and hard.

I met someone this year I used to know a long time ago. I paid for everything and when she wanted to pay for something, I let her. I only paid because she's in business for herself and I'm salaried. I don't know what she makes but given where she lives and where I live I assume I make at least twice, maybe 3 times what she does.

She didn't seem to mind, but when she did, I didn't complain, I just let her pay what she felt comfortable with.

He is just being a gentleman. Sounds like you have an old fashioned guy that likes to take care of his lady.

OK, here is what you do. Plan a date for him. Tell him that you want to do something nice for him. Treat him to a night out. Arrange payment in advance, or keep the money transactions out of his sight so he does not feel uncomfortable.

He could be like me and likes to do things for others, but finds it hard to accept it in return.

Just my 2 cents.

Zoot - no worries about that, I did that in my marriage and will lose myself thatway again! I promise....I just was curious as to what makes him want to do this and why it bothers him when i pay. I do like him a lot and know he cares thru the other stuff he does. He is not an overbearing man at all, I wouldn't put up with that. It's just this one thing....

I'm not a man but have the same kind of boyfriend. So I just "pay him back" in other ways...for example, I know that if we go out to dinner, he'll insist on paying so I will invite him over for dinner at my house to reciprocate. If you aren't a cook, order in or carry out from a restaurant and put on your own personal plates.

My bf (of 5 months) won't even let me pay if we go to the grocery store for my groceries anymore...or if we make a trip to walmart or anything. Basically, what I try to do is kind things for him in return...grabbing his laundry and doing that before he can say anything...apparently him paying is something that makes him feel good so I don't take it away from him but I have my own sneaky ways to repay him. :-)

He sounds like an old-school guy like myself. If a woman wants to pay for something I am not going to say no though. He may be taking it a little bit too much toward the extreme.I do like ashews take on this. Very thoughtful. Just be glad that chivalry isn't dead.

stile and ashew have it on the money- return favors in other ways and ENJOY- my husband made 3x what I did and bitched about always having to pay when we went out. The first 14 years when I made more and paid for everything he had no problem with it! If you really can't stand it -pleas- send him to me! :)

i agree with some of the posts. men paying though is not a courtesy though. men opening doors, pulling out chairs, just helping out with the little stuff is a courtesy. men paying is more so a responsibility. men of different generations feel responsible to pay - its a learned behavior, from their dads, to their children. there was an overhaul in which women tried to be independent such as you have no problem in doing, but men could not re-program their minds to feel comfortable with this. i know if i allow a woman to pay for something for me, even some sort of gift, i feel obligated to buy, do something that is double or triple the amount. it really is not a bad thing for the woman, it is a guy issue and one that we have to resolve. the good news is that you can use it as an easy benchmark to evaluate the seriousness of the relationship. as the man becomes more open and closer to you, he will allow the woman to pay for more things and buy gifts. when it becomes a non-issue, then you know that this guy is deeply committed (may be a good thing or not). finally, some guys use it as control. if you feel that the man paying is using it to control, offering to help pay bills, buying furniture, food for the fridge, just living expenses, then you have got some expectation setting for the individual - however, you, from what i read pays your own way and don't need this type of behavior. take care.

Another thing women can do is buy tickets for events in advance: sports, music, theater, whatever you are into, then he can pay for the food, etc.

Personally, I am glad to hear they are still churning out old school guys out there.

I had the opposite problem with my ex. I paid for everything and he spent all of his money on himself. I'm like you, and don't really like getting spoiled with money all the time, but it would have been nice for him to buy me things once in a while. Which he did, but I was practically his SugarMomma, Lol.
I'm sure this guy was just raised that men should be the providers. Sorry I'm not a guy, but I figured I could help shed some light.

Perhaps it is time for you to change your mindset and allow him to do what makes him happy which is to pay for everything for you. I too think it is wonderful there are still men out there that still live by yesterdays standards. I dated a guy for 4 yrs and I would pay for one thing, he would pay for the next, yet he made a lot more money than me. Looking back now, I was a FOOL! The guy that brought me to DS was the type to pay for everthing and for the first time in my life, I not only allowed it, but learned to truly appreciate it. So should you!

Good luck, this is YOUR issue and one that might need a bit of tweaking in my opinion!

Thank you all for your opinions and your thoughts. Maybe what some of you are saying is true, that this is MY issue. I can see how that could be, growing up as I did and having been treated not-so-nicely by the men that I have encountered in my 36 yrs. It's definitely food for thought and I appreciate your bringing it up. He is very old school and I DO appreciate it when he opens doors, pulls out my chairs, carries things, etc. I let him know that every time by thanking him. I do nottake the good treatment for granted, believe me, because I am not used to it. He does not take it too extremes like trying to pay my bills or something. I would take offense to that. I know he is a good man, with great values and upbringing (4 sisters taught him WELL). I was just wondering how to approach this subject with him, I guess. I am nothing if not honest, so I will definitely talk it out with him. Also, thanks for all of the ideas about how to 'repay' his kindness. Some very good ideas. Sorry SandyJo - I plan on keeping him! He truly is a great man with a good heart. Thanks to all!!