Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Sent from a friend, thought many of you would get a good laugh...
Dear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a HUGE fan of yours.
As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.
The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings).
However, lately I've been wondering about your
intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone Calls/Text Messages: While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they
DO NOT want to hear from me during the day,
let alone all hours of the night.
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this
time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the
next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out
(face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful
partnership.
Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan
P.S. Please take e a moment or two and note the
following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Thanks but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Would you like a soft taco?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Dear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a HUGE fan of yours.
As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.
The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings).
However, lately I've been wondering about your
intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone Calls/Text Messages: While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they
DO NOT want to hear from me during the day,
let alone all hours of the night.
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this
time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the
next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out
(face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful
partnership.
Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan
P.S. Please take e a moment or two and note the
following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Thanks but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Would you like a soft taco?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
And btw alcohol, why do you insist on making me say things I would never say to people I would never otherwise talk to?