It sounds like the truth. But I vote for don't send it. I wish for your sake he would come back sorry, but I don't see it in what you've written.

Your intentions are good but I feel that they will not affect him. In the right mind set he should have thought of all the people he would hurt when he did what he did. He has proven that he only thinks about himself. He put himself before all others especially the ones that love him. If this is every to work he would have to admit to all of his faults and weakness and step up and get help in himself, then he would have to prove to you that he is capable of getting your forgiveness if that meant walking through fire then so be it, but he can not for a moment think is easy as it was to go outside the marriage it will be easy to get back in it. You will also have to be able to consider what he has done and if you would be able to totally forgive. You may never forget but you would have to look deep in yourself.

Even though we are mad at him and won't associate with him, we do still love and miss him. Should I add that or let it be?

I already forgave him and told him so before he walked out. I moved back into his bedroom and was with him for four nights.

Has he admitted to any fault that he has done in the marriage?

Your letter is great. But I don't think it will make a difference. He is in a place of denial right now. He probably thinks what he is choosing is the right thing for him. I wrote a letter to my husband, he said thank you, but it changed nothing. But if you feel you want to do it for your closure I see nothing wrong with sending it. Just don't get your hopes up for what his response may be.

No, he has not taken responsibility or acknowledged fault. It is all on me. He doesn't talk. He is an action kind of guy.

Perhaps he shows his guilt in that he wants to remain friends and still wants to take care of any problems I have with the house or car. He still wants to be able to come into my house and hang out, come to family functions, etc.

I am not getting my hopes up for him to return. If he did there would be major awkwardness with my daughters and SIL. He would have to do a lot of counseling to make it right with them.

I just want the peace of mind that he isn't thinking that I am just the cold-hearted bitch who is shutting him out out of spite. I am not cutting off communication for that reason; it is because it is too painful for my and my family. Our last communication was a couple of months ago. He wants me to let him know how the kids are, but they have made it clear they want him to know nothing about them. He said they never have to know that I am keeping him updated.

It is hard when damage is done. To many people get impacted when they only think for themselves. Life is fragile our actions have a ripple affect.

I go with dont send it keep it for your self it can be good to write down what you are feeling but do not give them the privalge of knowing

i understand wanting to communicate, but someone who involves his own children in lying to their mother about an affair does not want to feel empathy. they are very selfish. i am sorry. i am sorry for your children. i don't understand another family welcoming this sort of behaviour into their lives, either. if you can truly forgive, i am in awe. best.

I only know a little bit of your situation from your journal but I think the letter will be destructive. It seems that his need for sex was a big issue for you and you describe it as prostitution. Most men would view that as an act of extreme hostility, especially if he's been put on the back burner for years. I'm not trying to shock anyone, just giving you my neutral observation and your resentment is fairly intense. With all that being said, there is never an excuse for infidelity but the deed is already done and he will only convince himself that he made the right choice if you send that letter.

Steven, I appreciate your male perspective. Thanks for answering my post.

I am being honest, but sometimes my words are misconstrued which has been a problem in the past because I am blunt and don't realize the possibility of the interpretation.

Since he has left and the damage is done the letter, though a good one, will not be appreciated by him. In his mind he left a long time ago and he won't see in it what you do. I sent a similar letter to my husband and he read it, and well that was it. I always thought that a beautiful, well written letter would be the way to his heart and he would understand, but usually they don't. Though I write many letters I don't send them, sometimes just writing them relieves something in me. Your heart is in the right place.

Since he is nonverbal, he will not read it, or not closely.

Do not lie to your children by going against their wishes. He is trying to get you to lie to them like he got them to lie to you.