There was a conversation on here earlier today about name calling in relationships. I have been guilty of this in the past in my marriage with a very abusive, passive aggressive man. It took a lot of time and that conversation on DS earlier today to make me realize how wrong I was to ever name call in my relationship. Eventhough my ex was a horrible friend and horrible husband to me for many, many years, it was a behavior of mine developed toward the later years of my marriage that was inappropriate and I now realize how wrong I was. After years of being mature and civil and asking for changes in behavior, it eventually got to the point where I was so fed up, I'd call him out on his behavior using negative terms like "prick" and "asshole". And eventhough he WAS behaving that way, it was wrong of me to use such immature, childish terms. I think a lot about grieving and recovery from divorce involves a lot of self discovery and realizations of things you did wrong in the relationship. This was not an easy realization for me, but I've come to terms with it and I wanted to sincerely apologize to my ex because its the right thing to do and I feel I need to do it for me. (my ex is the one who wanted the divorce. He was hiding information, lying about everything, very immature and was incredibly passive aggressive in our relationship. He eventually told me one day he'd rather be selfish and immature than put the work into ANY relationship.).... Anyhow, since the divorce he's become a very angry, bitter man who hates himself for how he behaved and instead of working on change to become a better man, he's chosen to rot in anger. He realizes this. He admits it. It breaks my heart to see a man I loved say he wants to be a better man, but chose self hatred over self discovery. He projects a lot of his self misery onto me. Anyhow, I reached out to him tonight explaining that I wanted to meet to apologize for something I did in our marriage. My intent was simply to do the right thing by us both, with no expectations. I dont want to reconcile...I simply want to offer an apology for something significant. A behavior I know hurt him deeply in our relationship, not only that I regret, but that I now fully understand his view on. He said no. He simply doesnt even want to listen. While I know I can't control his actions and he has every right to not listen to me, it just breaks my heart to not be able to do this. Apologies can be incredibly helpful in the healing process. I wish he was open to it.
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