I cannot stop obsessing over my boyfriend, or my ex-boyfriend..I don't really know. He's told me that he can't handle me anymore, that I make him miserable, that the love is gone. But then he'll allow me over to his place, we'll sleep together and he'll tell me he loves me. Then I won't hear from him again. This last time I heard from him he said he feared I was turning all psychotic again, that he couldn't sleep because he was afraid I was going to come to his house pounding on his doors and windows like I had once before. (This was a once time incident triggered by mass amounts of xanax and alcohol..I don't even remember most of it). We've been together 2.5 years and been through so much together. I know I've made mistakes, and so has he (he cheated on me a month after I lost our baby to miscarriage). I have never loved another as much as I love him..he is my world. This has done nothing but make my panic/anxiety and depression a million times worse. He doesn't understand any of this..I don't even understand it. I go to bed crying thinking of him..I dream of him..I wake up thinking about him and go through out my day thinking of him. This was somewhat the case even when we were on good terms. Part of the reason I was made to leave my program at school. Why am I so obsessed? What is wrong with me? How can I manage to move on? I'm hoping that switching to lexapro from zoloft and adding abilify will begin to help me. At this point I just feel like dying.
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