I think you are doing what you need to do to survive, and NO YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY in all of this...and what happened between you and your husband is none of your daughters business, in other words you are doing what is morally correct by telling her that you both love her and always will, about making her understand that it is not your fault well all I can say to that is that actions speak louder than words and she will see this over time, nothing is instantanious(sorry about that spelling). Unfortunetly it does take time, I am dealing with the same thing with my daughter and have been since I left his abusive butt(excuse my language) in 2003 so it is taking a lot of time but in the end(whenever that happens to come along) she will know. I have put my trust in God for that and a whole lot more(the stuff I can not handle on my own). I do not speak bad about my ex in front of the kids but he did about me, and it does not make sense to lower myself to get even with him. Your daughter is taking this out on you because you are her "safe-zone" person, in other words kids will take the most out on the parent that they know will love them no matter how bad the child will talk to them and treat them.( I hope you understood that,if not let me know and I will try to explain it better). I wanted the same thing,my ex to actually step up and finally be a good dad, I thought he would but NO...he kidnapped them and they finally dont get to see him ever again...I really hoped I have given you some comfort in this time of need for you. :) Cheryl

That's interesting about the "safe-zone" parent. It makes sense. My children talk to me about the divorce and girlfriend situation, but not their dad. (I wish they didn't know about the girlfriend, but dumby brought them around her). I worry for the future because I have boys and I have heard they will try and blame their mother even though their father is the one who cheated and left. My 4 and 1/2 year old told me yesterday he thought it was my fault daddy and I were gettinga divorce. My 8 year-old said, "No it's not." But the 4 year-old wanted to know whose fault it was. All I could say was that I didn't make daddy leave and that I tried all I could to keep the marriage together. I ask them if they talk to their dad about things and the oldest said, "no because I don't want to hurt dad's feelings for leaving." I found it so odd that he would be concerned about the feelings of the person who left, but the "safe-zone" thing makes sense. If daddy left mommy, maybe he will leave me too. I get it. Poor kids.

So shes mad. thats ok! make sure she knows that its ok to be mad. Remember shes 7 she cant fully comprehend whats going on in her parents relationship just dont bash dad I know you want to but you have got to remember thats somebody she loves even if you dont
When shes older shell understand better and remember everything either one of you said and figure out for herself who the bad guy really was. Have faith In your Daughter

I am glad that it helps you swan05, my kids are similar to yours, my daughter(13) and my son(17) got into and argument when he heard her say to me "I never asked you to take me from my father, why didn't you leave me with him?" and my son jumped to my defense and said"if she would have left you with him, he would be beating your ass the way he beat me!" and she in defense of her father said,"he was not like that!" and my son started yelling and crying at the same time,at her replied"You dont remember all the times he beat the shit out of mom and spit on her, called her names and would beat the shit out of me, and mom protecting you and him breaking her fingers....he would punch me and hit me as hard as he could with a belt and you dont remember the bruises and welts..." and that is when I stopped the conversation, I thought it was nice to finally see someone taking my side of things, she stills feels the same and occasionally I hear about her feelings...but I know it is getting better...she loves me and I love her, this transitional phase will end one day.

Just curious, is your STBX keeping the house? Because if he is that is just plain selfish. If he can afford to live there he should be paying for you and your daughter to stay there. Are you selling the home? It is a little easier then because if neither parent can stay even though it is hard, it is more understandable that you just can't afford to live there. She will come around it is just hard right now. Get her some counseling. She will make new friends and she will adapt.

Thanks it helps to know that other kids react the same. As far as the house, yes my husband is keeping it. I suppose I could force him to sell it but that just means more legal action. He is not interested in helping me monetarily. He will pay the child support but thats it. I know he will always have a step up because he is keeping the family home, but there is no way I can stay. All I can hope is that love will overcome. I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I hope that will be enough.