Hi... I'm not sure what to do, and I know that no one can tell me what to do, it has to come from within myself, but I'm lost. I've been married for almost 3 years now. In the four years I've known him, he's worked 4 months. He's very immature - spends the money I earn on things like toys, porn, bounces me into hundreds of dollars of negative balances. He even now has invited a friend to live with us who needed help getting back on their feet, so now I'm trying to support three people on my income. There is no effort on either of their part to find work or help me around the house. I'm tired.

Lately, I've awakened enough to look around me and see men that are working. They are supporting themselves, and meeting their women half way or more. They buy flowers. When my husband thinks of me it's because he's hungry or needs something.

If I push the issue he gets defensive and angry and a little scary. I know he's lied about his past and that he's a little unstable at times, so I don't push too much. I know if I leave him, he'll just wander the streets. He loves me, on his level, but it's not the same level I'm on. He doesn't groom himself, brush his teeth, or do anything other that eat, sleep and play video games, but won't get help for depression or anything of that nature. He refuses to drink off brand soda, and complains that he doesn't have more.

It's like I married a teenage kid. While he loves me, I have come to the conclusion that he can't love me in the way a grown up woman needs to be loved, and needs that partnership. I wanted children, but didn't want my spouse to be one. I'm disappointed and sad, and concerned about what is going to happen. If I stay with him I will be financially ruined, and will miss out on true happiness. If I leave, he'll be alone and homeless, and that's if he doesn't go off the deep end and do something scary. I considered staying with him until he finished his schooling (he's going to college part time) but then I worry about things like having to pay spousal support if I stay much longer. I don't think he'll work even if he finishes school. It's not in him to work. Why would graduating from a college all of the sudden switch you into overdrive?

He says I am being selfish and that all I care about is money. I tell him it's about responsibility. The more I meet of people that are hard working and intelligent and giving, the more I feel the urge for flight. But, then I feel bad for thinking like that. So, I know I'm not happy and I know he can't rise up to the occasion, but I don't feel right in leaving him.

/Sigh.... I just don't know what to do.