
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Hi... I'm not sure what to do, and I know that no one can tell me what to do, it has to come from within myself, but I'm lost. I've been married for almost 3 years now. In the four years I've known him, he's worked 4 months. He's very immature - spends the money I earn on things like toys, porn, bounces me into hundreds of dollars of negative balances. He even now has invited a friend to live with us who needed help getting back on their feet, so now I'm trying to support three people on my income. There is no effort on either of their part to find work or help me around the house. I'm tired.
Lately, I've awakened enough to look around me and see men that are working. They are supporting themselves, and meeting their women half way or more. They buy flowers. When my husband thinks of me it's because he's hungry or needs something.
If I push the issue he gets defensive and angry and a little scary. I know he's lied about his past and that he's a little unstable at times, so I don't push too much. I know if I leave him, he'll just wander the streets. He loves me, on his level, but it's not the same level I'm on. He doesn't groom himself, brush his teeth, or do anything other that eat, sleep and play video games, but won't get help for depression or anything of that nature. He refuses to drink off brand soda, and complains that he doesn't have more.
It's like I married a teenage kid. While he loves me, I have come to the conclusion that he can't love me in the way a grown up woman needs to be loved, and needs that partnership. I wanted children, but didn't want my spouse to be one. I'm disappointed and sad, and concerned about what is going to happen. If I stay with him I will be financially ruined, and will miss out on true happiness. If I leave, he'll be alone and homeless, and that's if he doesn't go off the deep end and do something scary. I considered staying with him until he finished his schooling (he's going to college part time) but then I worry about things like having to pay spousal support if I stay much longer. I don't think he'll work even if he finishes school. It's not in him to work. Why would graduating from a college all of the sudden switch you into overdrive?
He says I am being selfish and that all I care about is money. I tell him it's about responsibility. The more I meet of people that are hard working and intelligent and giving, the more I feel the urge for flight. But, then I feel bad for thinking like that. So, I know I'm not happy and I know he can't rise up to the occasion, but I don't feel right in leaving him.
/Sigh.... I just don't know what to do.
Lately, I've awakened enough to look around me and see men that are working. They are supporting themselves, and meeting their women half way or more. They buy flowers. When my husband thinks of me it's because he's hungry or needs something.
If I push the issue he gets defensive and angry and a little scary. I know he's lied about his past and that he's a little unstable at times, so I don't push too much. I know if I leave him, he'll just wander the streets. He loves me, on his level, but it's not the same level I'm on. He doesn't groom himself, brush his teeth, or do anything other that eat, sleep and play video games, but won't get help for depression or anything of that nature. He refuses to drink off brand soda, and complains that he doesn't have more.
It's like I married a teenage kid. While he loves me, I have come to the conclusion that he can't love me in the way a grown up woman needs to be loved, and needs that partnership. I wanted children, but didn't want my spouse to be one. I'm disappointed and sad, and concerned about what is going to happen. If I stay with him I will be financially ruined, and will miss out on true happiness. If I leave, he'll be alone and homeless, and that's if he doesn't go off the deep end and do something scary. I considered staying with him until he finished his schooling (he's going to college part time) but then I worry about things like having to pay spousal support if I stay much longer. I don't think he'll work even if he finishes school. It's not in him to work. Why would graduating from a college all of the sudden switch you into overdrive?
He says I am being selfish and that all I care about is money. I tell him it's about responsibility. The more I meet of people that are hard working and intelligent and giving, the more I feel the urge for flight. But, then I feel bad for thinking like that. So, I know I'm not happy and I know he can't rise up to the occasion, but I don't feel right in leaving him.
/Sigh.... I just don't know what to do.
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It is normal in a marriage for both parties to contribute to the household. Many many families are duel income.... he obviously is not trying.
Don't stay.... get out before you have children and are tied to this man for a lifetime because of your children...
do you want a man or a child?
did you give birth to him?
i ask those bluntly. but not to be mean. not to be rude.
i ask them the way i did because you need a wake up call. NOTHING you do or don't do is going to make any change in him.
my situation is somewhat similar. in the sense that i am the one who pays the bills, cleans the house, makes all the decisions etc. the only decision he seemed able to make was to leave! he works, so that is a difference, but we did have issues with him keeping a job when we first got together.
i still struggle with NOT helping him. NOT being the one to fix everything for him. it's called ENABLING. that's what you are doing. you are enabling him to NOT GET OFF HIS ASS!!!
bluntly...he needs to reach down, grab his balls & man up! and you....you my sweet girl...you need to RUN!!!!!
he is NOT your responsibility! he will succeed or fail on his OWN! NOT because you stay or go.
again...i know this is hard. i still struggle with making my ex stand on his own two feet. it is not easy. not by a long shot.
you can not save him. you can not rescue him. you can not fix him. he has to want to do those things for himself. just as you have to want to do the same for yourself.
be strong! you've come to a good place to find support. there are alot of people here who will be willing to reach out & help with what they can.
but the bottom line, for all of us, is this; we must be willing and able to help ourselves.
i'm there for ya....
you might want to join the co-dependency community under "mental health".
remember, you are worth being treated royally.
take care.
peace