I have been doing alot of thinking today and I am surprising myself!! To hold on to someone who just dont feeel the same way, is nothing but being mean to yourself. None of us would choose to be this broken. We have had the very ones that we gave our lives to , abandon us. Leave us, make us feel useless,for lack of a better word. They took away our ability to choose. Made all the decisions for us both. I can draw strength from his lack of courage to step up when it would have helped me. Not make himself feel better because I was still beside him until he just couldnt stay any longer!! Now I see that his selfish act only makes me want to be stronger than I ever was. Before I was forced to get on this Hell Ride.We really have no choice but to pick ourselves up and move along. Or lie down and die, because with the thoughts that I was having, I would have rotted from the inside out. Before I came here I was at the end of my rope. Now I know that the choices that I make are my own. Nobody can make them for me anymore. I am my own person, and I will be ok. This ride will come to a stop, and I will walk off and be a better person for the ride.. One day that is going to happen for me, for us all.. I know we are all stronger than we think. All in our own time, we will get there. We have the help and kindness of many wonderful people here. We are all on the same ride. Just waiting for it to stop..
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...