Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 01/02/2007

I am new to your forums and I would first like to say hello to everyone. I hope that everyone had a great holiday and all went well with you and yours.
I am sure my story is the same as all of you a bit different here and there but the same in the end so I wont bore you with mine.
However I do have a question. Emotion, I am not sure how to handle it. There are times like tonight when I am almost eating my heart my heartbeat is beating so strongly. There are other times when I feel like I just need to grab somthing and destroy it whatever it maybe. It\'s a rollercoaster that I almost cannot handle. It has begun to effect my job, my patience, my life. Not in a good way. It has almost gotten out of control. One minute I am calm and myself the next I am almost in a rage and there is no warning. One minute I am calm and collective and the next I have absolutly no patience. I have tought about a shrink but I fear this may cause me trouble with my custidy. So I have ruled this out. I have no one tht I can converse with my friends are limited at best, more like aquaintences, people who call me when they need somthing. Not to mention I am very shy, always have been. This and many more options are simply not in my power. This is why I am here tonight I think I maybe close to my breaking point. What do I do?
I was married since I was 18, fourteen years. When I walked into that bedroom it almost knocked me off my feet, I had no idea. I did not see it comming. I have learned now that I simply did not know her any longer, or maybe I just Ignored it, I really have no idea. The custudy battle and the divorce kept my mind busy now it is all over and I set here and stew. I have begun to drink, I dont drink and seldom have before. I have begun eating painpills sold to me at work, I Have done pot one time before this and I am very anti drug. However this is the ONLY time when I have a moments peace and my soul and heart finnaly rests. I know there is no simple answer but whatever you can offer I am willing to try reguardless the cost. I am afraid my body tires and my emotions run unchecked. I fear I may be close to my breaking point and cant seem to stop it. Help, what can do? How can I change this course? somthing, anything, please tell me.
Im ranting again, sorry I just seem to lose it more and more here lately, you are the first I have talked about this. For me to be here means im in trouble and I know it....

deleted_user 01/02/2007

I am no expert, but I don\'t think seeing a counselor would affect your custody. In the first place, do you even have to tell her that you are seeking help. I don\'t think you do. It sounds to me like that would be your best bet.
I can tell you that you are not alone. That I am here because I am hurting and needed someone to understand. I think we can all understand. What helps me is to quiet myself and either read something inspirational or comforting, or I pray. I have been praying for peace and hope in my life. Today is much better than yesterday. I hope the same will be true for you. Others will probably have better advise to you. I just joined a day or two ago.
So wishing you peace and hope!

deleted_user 01/02/2007

At some point I realized that it was OK to feel like crap... that it was all part of what we have to go through to heal. I think it is important to try to find things that you enjoy and force yourself to do them some of the time - even if you heart isn\'t in it. I did go to the therapist for a couple of sessions and it helped some. I think the biggest thing that helped me is to know that it takes a long time to get to the place where you can really move on. I know in a way that is depressing, but for me it meant that what I\'m going through is normal... and if others survived it, then I can too. I checked out your photos and your daughter is beautiful! She must be your pride and joy!

deleted_user 01/02/2007

You know, it seems to me that whenever I get down about life, I look at my kids and I remember what is important. The kids are what it is all about, eh? You have a happpy looking kid, so you are doing some good work. What is wrong with counseling? Who is going to tell the divorce court about it, anyway? Isn\'t it confidential? I suspect that you can either ask your lawyer (for a price)or a psychologist if it will affect custody, but I suspect that it would only be in your daughter\'s best interest to straighten out your issues so they don\'t impact her life in a negative way.
Just spouting off, but I wish you the best of luck.

deleted_user 01/02/2007

Man that all sounds familiar. I go through the same mood swings. I also have no one to talk to. I am many miles from family and friends.
This place makes me feel better. Just getting it out there, wether or not anyone listens is a good thing. Then to get a response helps too.
One thing that might help is realizing that what you are going through is the normal human response to a terrible situation. Sounds like you walked in on something and it was traumatic for you. The most dangerous thing you can do is to keep it to yourself. It will come out in some form. I do not know about seeing a doctor or shrink. But I do know that most clergy are trainedin counseling and they cant be touched by anyone. You dont have to be a real religious person to seek help from your church. I certainly am not very religious, but whenever one of my soldiers had a problem the first person I called was the chaplain. Including folks who saw or were in combat. Trauma like yours is very similar to that and can be treated, just by talking to someone who knows how to help you deal with it.
The things you talk about, therage and ups and downs are real, they are normal and they can get out of hand. But they can be controled to. Good luck brother. Get in touch if you need to talk.

deleted_user 06/21/2008

Baby,
I wish i was here for this one. I would have wrapped my arms around you. I would have told you.. God knows your pain. He has great things ahead for you. You might not know what they are but I bet they are amazing..

deleted_user 06/21/2008

As far as counselling, psychiatrists can prescribe medication like anti anxiety meds. Possibly if someone twisted the story this could be used against you but I doubt it. Psychologists can't give drugs and are basically for talking to, as are social workers. There is no way counselling would hurt you in court. Domestic judges aren't fools. You are going through a trauma, and SHE caused it. I know many males aren't used to seeking help for their emotions, but it can really make you feel a lot better - especially if you feel like you're just barely hanging on. When I found out that my husband had a whore habit 4 years ago I was ready to be hospitalized. I couldn't handle it. Take one day at a time, with each one the pain will lessen and be more managable. And definitely look to a good counselor to
talk to.

deleted_user 06/21/2008

I think you need professionsal help because of the options you are considering. Why not taking up exercise and walks? The choices you are making are in a self destructive path, and you don't want to be in that longe, because it will be hard to find the way back. I suspect you need to learn to deal with anger, seems you bottle up and explode, and that is not healthy. Perhaps conseiling would help you there as well, so you don't turn that against yourself. Divorce are hard times, we all did something stupid I bet, I was drinking for a while to help me sleep, then I decide to trade that for exercise and sleeping pills. I am phasing out of sleeping pills now, but I guess it is ok to need help, but try tomake the ones that are best to you.
Big hug and welcome.
S

deleted_user 06/21/2008

I'm sure when he posted this 18 months ago, he would have appreciated the warm welcome as a newbie ;)

When do parents stop using months and start using years (ya know, grownup numbers) to explain how old their kids are?

deleted_user 06/21/2008

Nice catch Pasta, where the f--k did this come from in the first place??

deleted_user 06/21/2008

It's this new "You might also like" feature. It digs up posts that have wordings similar to the OP's post. They list the OP's name, and how many replies it got, but what they REALLY need to include is the DATE the post was put up. And make the year HUGE, so people will have a harder time missing it.

deleted_user 06/21/2008

The same person bumped several of this person's old posts this morning.

deleted_user 06/21/2008

who needs to know that your seeing a counselor or a shrink, or even if they put you on medication. that is your business. don't tell anyone, if you need to share, do it here. all these emotions are so normal, all part of the process, and i know i and many others have felt that out of control feeling. your not alone. the one thing you need to stop doing is drinking, pain killers, and smoking pot, your only masking the pain for a while, it will be there when you straight and sober. you need to work through all the emotions, we are all doing the same, keep coming here and venting so that we can try to help. WELCOME

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