
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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I am not being combative, but why is no one advising to fight for marriage and family? I will not die immediately from lack of love from her, but we all should know that emotional stress does affect physical health. Where depression could be the factor to cause death. Thats just one scenario even. Why do veterans that have been through this pain always seem to demean the physical torture that goes with heartache?
Second why are we not elevating divorce with children (family) to a higher level? These are real questions that may help me in scrambling around in this chest of shit for the light.
Second why are we not elevating divorce with children (family) to a higher level? These are real questions that may help me in scrambling around in this chest of shit for the light.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
The sooner a person can look this awful mess in the face, and accept it, the sooner they can reclaim some dignity and learn to stand.
Very Few get back together, it rarely lasts when they do.
Yes, this hurts like HELL!!! We all Hurt. The best thing that We, as Veterans, can do is hold up a beacon for you to follow.
We can send you Hugs for comfort. Listen to your pain, for a bit. Try to teach you to smile again...
We Can't make you pick yourself up. You have the same Will as our stbx's/ex's. You make your own choice on how to FEEL.
I wish that we Could set your feet on the path that leads to healing. Pointing the way seems to be such a small thing.
I hope that you will look at the forum FOR those who are Divorcing with Children. There is one. That is where this is "elevated". On this site EVERYONE is Equal in their Pain.
Well jerriean, what I mean is when veterans give advice on the subject of dealing with stbx's evil behavior. They often tell us to basically get over it. Or when we newbies ask things like "why do they do this to us" veterans overwhelmingly say "just don't think about it" or even worse "don't let it bother you". Like we have the choice. Don't get me wrong if I recognize any pattern in life its that when everybody says the same thing there is very likely merit.
Worse over lol, when I get to call me self a "veteran" I'll be saying the same lines.
:)
As a veteran here, I will tell you that I have heard many different stories from many different people and all the pain and anguish is the same and I pray that I have never treated anyone like their individual pain did not matter or brushed their pain off! I am here to listen, to support and to give the advise that I can, in matters that I personally have the experience in. As far as elevating divorce with children, I had very young children during my divorce and it was as hard or harder on them than it was on me. The custody issues were even worse on them. It destroyed their childhood! My kids are grown now and hate the other party and blame them for not allowing them that childhood! The demands of the non-custodial parents to their rights are not always to the best interest of the child. I would love to get my sons to come on here and let these parents hear from young men that actually grew up in this atmosphere hear what kinda hell their lives were, because they were never allowed to be children.
It is a very confusing time for the children. They don't know who they are supposed to love and they don't know how they are supposed to support us! I was a guilty as anyone else in this. If you need more than this, then please feel free to contact me via personal message and talk to me! I really would like to help you as best I can!
Believe me, your pain does matter and we do care!
Hugs!
Marriage is a two way street and if one of the partners does not want to make it work then no amount of "fighting for the marriage" by one party can make it work.
I certainly agree with the emotional stress having an effect on physical health. Unfortunately, we just need to find ways of dealing with the stress that goes with a separation or divorce. Yes it sucks. Yes it is easier said then done. But hearing the experiences of others that have been through it hopefully will help others dealing with the pain.
This is a very hard thing to learn to do...but it will Save Your Life and Sanity.
This is my second divorce. The first one-I was a mess for 2 solid years. I couldn't stop being a yo-yo for that man. I was consumed with anxiety and thoughts and pain. I NEVER took my thoughts off of Him and how to get him back. I NEVER looked at how to care for ME. It was HELL!!!
Thank God people here got hold of me. Immediately they were telling me to Focus on MY NEEDS. Focus my thoughts on what I could do for ME when I flashed on Him.
I also read a book by Susan Anderson, there is an excerpt in my profile. It gave me keys to my prison door.
We have the Greatest opportunity for Great Change during our times of Greatest Pain. That is how we work out of this.
As to fighting for your marriage, I can only say that most of us have sacrificed and fought to the point where it almost devasted us to have to give up. Looking at the past eight months that I have kept tabs on this site, I cannot say that I have seen more than 1 or 2 'success' stories where people have dropped out of the site because they were back together. You can't save a marriage when the other party does not want it to be saved. I fought for two years before I gave in and realized it was useless. I only wish I had that time back. Good luck in your healing!
I'm sorry that you are going through such pain...just make it through every day and concentrate on being happy whether it's with your wife or on your own.
They have already justified in their minds why they are doing this and our feelings don't matter a whole helluva lot to them.
Veterans tell newbies to "pick themselves up" because it's the only way you can heal and be healthy for yourself and your children. And if you are hopeful of getting back with your spouse, then at least if you are working on yourself, you will be a better person if they are willing/ready to work on your relationship.
It's not belitting anyone's feelings, it's just that you can't heal holding on to the what ifs, shoulda's, woulda's coulda's because you can't change the past.
ALL SAID IN LOVE of course!
hth
I was married for almost 16 years and stood and believed God for the restoration of my marriage.
I know the pain, frustration and heart ache. I also know that God did some wonderful things during the time that I waited for him to restore my family.
Although my divorce is final. I still love my husband. I am not bitter with him, I still get mad at him. But I know that God is working things out in him and me.
Perhaps we will re-marry each other. If not, at least be the best parents we can be.
I hate divorce. It is ugly and painful. But I can not make anyone do anything they dont want to do.
Now grieving is a process. Believe me, I have had all of the physical symtoms, depression, anger, denial. All of that.
Veterans are not justing to belittle your situation or feelings. We are simply trying to find a new place in our lives.
Trouble dont last always.!
a) physical abuse
b) sexual abuse
c) abusing your children
so my philosophy is.. you know deep in your heart if it is worth saving. you know if you are willing to try and if she is willing to try?
Explore every avenue. search your heart be able to look your children in the eye and know you simply did everything humanly possible to save your marriage and not let your kids be brought up in a broken home.....
but we all leave that judgement to you. We simply dont know you well enough.
you must decide, then ask us for suggestions and be prepared to hear everything....
As far as children and family...that takes it to another level because in that case, there are innocent, precious children who are witnessing the erosion of love between their parents...and that is something a young mind has great difficulty with accepting. They need help...they need reassurance...they need love...even when you are hurting and feel like you can't go on.
OK...that's my two cents worth, in my opinion.
Remember, IF you are in crises...seriously...at the bottom on this page there is a link for crisis hotlines.
You...are not alone!