Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been married for over 22 years - I am on my way out
My husband has been diagnosed with stress disorder - At first, of course, I did not realize the long term changes/effects of what this meant for all of our lives
We have had a good marriage - We were always the couple who really enjoyed each other - We each had things that we handled in the family and we trusted each other to take care of our responsibilities...so...we did not have to spend our time talking about household issues - We are complete opposites and that has always been fuel to our fire - Our marriage was not perfect but it worked for us - We are both very flawed people (isn't everyone?) and I considered myself the more flawednow it looks like I am showing my true colors - My husband had every characteristic that you would want in a friend/lover/partner
He is a drinker and this has always been a issue but I always felt it was more my problem than his - He does not usually act up and he always drank after work - I am now and have always been honest with him and how I feel but I tried not to nag him about drinking and only brought it up when it was do so or bust
He has not worked in over a year and he had taken to drinking during the day - I told him on three separate occasions (during the last year) that it is disrespectful to everyone who has been giving him support through his illness - I have never given him an ultimatum because no matter how good we were together...I knew I would loose to drinking - He told me he understood - I found out three weeks ago that he was drinking a lot, hiding it from me and making jokes about it - We have never hidden anything important from each other, much less let others in on something that was only between us - I have always taken pride in not being "that wife" - This was truly the end...now there is nothing of our relationship that resembles itself After I found out, I told him that I thought I was done with our marriage but he had to quit drinking until he got better and back to his life...not for me but for himself - The dishonesty really was the final blow to my feelings of us belonging together - During this last two weeks I have felt myself moving further and further from him I no longer feel that I am what he needs if he has to hide things from me - I am only making him worse not better
The real problem is that my husband is no longer someone that I like - I love and respect him but I don't enjoy anything about our time together...at all - Everything about his personality has changed - I have been so incredibly lonely over the last six months of his illness - I have had a companion since I was a teenager...never took it for granted and always appreciated it - I loved being married and I loved the companionship - Now there is none - I am handling the day to day alone - I am trying to smooth the feathers of others that he is ruffling due to the fact that he is no longer himself - My father died (suddenly and badly)during this time and I had to go out of state without my husband and take care of business - I do not want to handle another big event alone - I can keep doing it alone but I am hating every second of it - He is in treatment and there have been no changes that give me any sign of hope - He feels better (which I am very happy of) but is still not anyone that I or my children (21 & 15) recognize - We can not talk about anything but the weather and that is iffy - Everything has to be light
I am done with alone - I realize that leaving him will not guarantee me ever finding companionship (especially the kind that we have enjoyed for so long) but staying with him will take away any chance of not being alone - Cheating is not an option - I want to leave now because I am miserable not later because I have found someone that has given me a reason to go
I feel like a rat running from a sinking ship but I do not want to go under - I am now becoming someone that I do not like and feel as if I have to get away to be true to myself and all other people involved - The only thing that is keeping me with him is the guilt - For the person my husband used to be, that would be enough for him to leave me...but now...this new person that he is, is hoping it will keep me in place
Over the years my friends have asked my advice on there relationships and when enough was enough I always told them that they will know and when it is time they will not to have askI was wrong
My husband has been diagnosed with stress disorder - At first, of course, I did not realize the long term changes/effects of what this meant for all of our lives
We have had a good marriage - We were always the couple who really enjoyed each other - We each had things that we handled in the family and we trusted each other to take care of our responsibilities...so...we did not have to spend our time talking about household issues - We are complete opposites and that has always been fuel to our fire - Our marriage was not perfect but it worked for us - We are both very flawed people (isn't everyone?) and I considered myself the more flawednow it looks like I am showing my true colors - My husband had every characteristic that you would want in a friend/lover/partner
He is a drinker and this has always been a issue but I always felt it was more my problem than his - He does not usually act up and he always drank after work - I am now and have always been honest with him and how I feel but I tried not to nag him about drinking and only brought it up when it was do so or bust
He has not worked in over a year and he had taken to drinking during the day - I told him on three separate occasions (during the last year) that it is disrespectful to everyone who has been giving him support through his illness - I have never given him an ultimatum because no matter how good we were together...I knew I would loose to drinking - He told me he understood - I found out three weeks ago that he was drinking a lot, hiding it from me and making jokes about it - We have never hidden anything important from each other, much less let others in on something that was only between us - I have always taken pride in not being "that wife" - This was truly the end...now there is nothing of our relationship that resembles itself After I found out, I told him that I thought I was done with our marriage but he had to quit drinking until he got better and back to his life...not for me but for himself - The dishonesty really was the final blow to my feelings of us belonging together - During this last two weeks I have felt myself moving further and further from him I no longer feel that I am what he needs if he has to hide things from me - I am only making him worse not better
The real problem is that my husband is no longer someone that I like - I love and respect him but I don't enjoy anything about our time together...at all - Everything about his personality has changed - I have been so incredibly lonely over the last six months of his illness - I have had a companion since I was a teenager...never took it for granted and always appreciated it - I loved being married and I loved the companionship - Now there is none - I am handling the day to day alone - I am trying to smooth the feathers of others that he is ruffling due to the fact that he is no longer himself - My father died (suddenly and badly)during this time and I had to go out of state without my husband and take care of business - I do not want to handle another big event alone - I can keep doing it alone but I am hating every second of it - He is in treatment and there have been no changes that give me any sign of hope - He feels better (which I am very happy of) but is still not anyone that I or my children (21 & 15) recognize - We can not talk about anything but the weather and that is iffy - Everything has to be light
I am done with alone - I realize that leaving him will not guarantee me ever finding companionship (especially the kind that we have enjoyed for so long) but staying with him will take away any chance of not being alone - Cheating is not an option - I want to leave now because I am miserable not later because I have found someone that has given me a reason to go
I feel like a rat running from a sinking ship but I do not want to go under - I am now becoming someone that I do not like and feel as if I have to get away to be true to myself and all other people involved - The only thing that is keeping me with him is the guilt - For the person my husband used to be, that would be enough for him to leave me...but now...this new person that he is, is hoping it will keep me in place
Over the years my friends have asked my advice on there relationships and when enough was enough I always told them that they will know and when it is time they will not to have askI was wrong
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I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
You need to give him an ultimatum.
Get help immediately or risk losing what we have together. give him a time deadline and no if and or buts.
If you dont you may have regrets later that you were not clear. Even go so far as to see if there are spaces available at some treatment centre that can assist him with both issues simultaneously.
then you can be rest assured you did everything humanly possible to make it work and you were talking to a sane sober person when you "had the talk"
does that make any sense to you? So sorry for your pain. STay in touch here, the people here are simply wonderful.
All I can say is for me, it was over when I felt too emotionally exhausted to go on. When I was so much happy away from him than with him. When I realized I felt like I was constantly 'walking on eggshells' and not being myself in order to keep him from being angry at me. When I couldn't feel emotionally safe with him.
Leaving is never easy. You will feel guilt, anger, anxiety and embarrassment among other things. It is a roller coaster ride but you do what you have to do in order to protect yourself and your children from emotional harm. Good luck.
He did drink every day but he never missed work or caused disorder in the house because of it - It has always been me just getting tired of looking at the beer can
He is not a bad guy - The main reasons that I mentioned his driking in my post is #1) He is on meds and should not be drinking at this time #2)He should not be drinking at all until he can get his life back #3)This is the main one...to point out that he is hiding things from me now as if I am the problem which was where I realized that it is over...and...that I am not helping him in any way
But...I am from a long line of people that party very hard (how my dad died this last July) and I would not know a true alcoholic if it hit me in my face - I have always been of the opinion that if a person can function, go to work, not cause havoc among loved ones...must not be an alocoholic...only love to drink