Hi. I just joined this community in the hopes that it might act as a sort of support group during this difficult time.

I am currently in the process of divorcing my husband of 5 years. If you don't mind, I'd like to give a little background on the situation. I am really feeling the need to reaffirm for myself that I am doing the right thing.

Looking back, I know that I have made many mistakes with my husband. For one thing, we met on the internet. At the time I was very young (19), lonely and naive. My husband is 23 years older than I am, and was going through his first divorce at the time. I was so desperate for love...I know it seems pathetic, but I felt like he might be my only chance.

Anyway, we had problems from the beginning. For starters, we discovered quickly that he suffered from ED. I was 22 when we got married. You can imagine how frustrating something like that would be for a 22 year old. It was made all the more frustrating by the fact that he didn't seem to care to do much about it. During the years that we were married I was made to feel like it was my responsibility to do something about it if I wanted a change. My husband was also very good at making me feel bad about myself in a very passive-agressive way. I felt like I couldn't say anything that would make him angry or he wouldn't love me anymore. I wasn't pretty enough because he never complimented me or told me that I looked nice. And there were even times that he told me he was intentially withholding intimacy because he thought I would want to wait until I felt better about myself. I felt like I could never do enough.

He was also terrible with money. I had to keep track of all of the finances. I made more money than he did, even though he is twice my age. I worked more hours, and still took care of him, a child and a home. We have a two-year-old daughter. I have jokingly told people in the past that she was a result of immaculate conception...but that isn't far from the truth.

Last summer I discovered that my husband had been carrying on a secret online relationship with an acquaintence of mine for over a year. The real clincher was that this acquaintence was male, and my husband had been posing as me throughout their entire contact. I discovered some of the emails they had sent back and forth because it turned out that my husband was using a very old email account of mine that I had not used in years. Their conversations were very vulgar and explicit. I was incredibly hurt and felt very betrayed. I confronted my husband immediately because I am not the kind of person that can let something like that sit between us. He apologized up and down and swore to me that he would never do anything like it again. Although I had serious doubts about being able to trust him, I decided that we would try to work through our problems.

Things really went to hell after September. In August my husband quit his job because he was angry over some disciplinary action his boss was going to take against him. There was no way I could keep our family afloat on my income alone, so we had to turn to our church for help. Our church was wonderful about helping us, but one of the conditions they gave to my husband was that he was not to spend his free time online or watching tv...he was to be out hitting the pavement looking for a new job. (They knew how unreliable he was.) Anyway, I began to be suspicious of his online activity because he swore to me and our church leaders that he was not getting online, but I was catching him online all the time. So one day on my lunch break I went home to our empty house to investigate.

I slowly began to uncover lie after lie. Not only was he getting online daily...for hours at a time...he was doing all kinds of creapy things. He was flirting with all kinds of people, men and women...even minors. He had profile pages on website listing that he was single; others where he listed different women's names as his significant other; he was telling people that he was a nurse, which is a total lie. I discovered that he was emailing several underage girls from our church, and some of the emails really concerned me. I had parents telling me that their daughters were not allowed to babysit for us anymore. I also found out that he was soliciting "sex/action" from other men through a gay website. I found emails between himself and other men inviting strangers into my home while my two-year-old daughter was napping in the afternoons. I found out that he was emailing pictures of myself (both clothed and nude) and my daughter to people that I didn't know. The list goes on...

I decided I needed to get some legal advice before I did anything...which I did. Then I confronted him. I told him that I had found out about all his little secrets. He tried to play innocent and wanted me to list for him what I thought I knew. He refused to confess anything. Once he realized that I wasn't giving in, he admitted that he had done some wrong, but still would not confess to any specifics. I was completely honest with him and told him that I did not love him anymore and that I wanted to move back home with our daughter to be closer to my family (in another state). He agreed to let us go. Once we left, I waited for 6 months before filing for divorce. He acted completely surprised, even though I was totally honest with him about my intentions before I left.

My biggest concern is for the safety and well-being of my daughter. I have worked very hard since leaving in December to make a better situation for her. I feel like I am doing all I can...but I still doubt myself at times. I guess I just need to remember how much he has hurt me and how little he can be trusted when those times of doubt come. He confessed to me that he was involved in all of these kinds of things before we ever got married...so our marriage has really been a sham from the beginning. I can only hope that this go-around isn't my one and only shot at happiness...because if it is...well that's a really depressing thought.