Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I went and seen my wife this weekend. We had a good time and we talked a lot. She told me that if I would move back she wants to work on our marriage. I left originally to clear my head and get some family support. I think me doing this made things worse. Not sure yet. I was so angry and hurt I just wasn't ready to see her again. Over the last few months of being alone and not seeing her just got to me. I told her that I meant my vows and I would stick to them if she really wanted to make things work. She said she did. How can I be sure she will do this and not be for real? She asked me if I still loved her? I said I am not sure. I told her that I know that I love her but, confused about her. I said I think about you all the time and I miss you so much. We didn't talk about it much after that. Later I called her and told her that the day we took our vows I meant that. For better or worse and right now it's worse. I let her know that I am willing to give her a second chance. I found out that she was happy with me and she could be happy again. However I fear that my thought toward her having another relationship will interfere. For all the religious people. I know the bible talks about having affair is a sin. It also talks about forgiving and forgetting. Would God look down on me for loving her again and giving her that second chance? I want to try again so, that in life I can know that we gave it a second chance if it doesn't work out. I would hate to look back and say what if? Another question I had was will the affair ever be laid to rest? If it would work out I don't wnt to be thinking about if she is being with another guy. Maybe I pushed her to do it by not showing her that I cared enough or loved her enough. I would hate to miss out on my chance for happiness. Everyone makes mistakes but, will she turn out to be ok? If I could find one person who has been through this and worked out thier marriage I would be more positive. I feel that I have to give it a chance. Some good feedback would be good!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I have some friends who had some similar - perhaps even deeper - levels of broken trust in their marriage. he had had numerous affairs, and she wanted to separate and ultimately divorce. During that time, she slept with another friends of ours - so essentially, the very base of the relationships in that group was destroyed. He decided he wanted to work on it - even though she didn't. He forgave her, and kept fighting for her. Ultimately, by the very grace of God they were able to save their marriage - and are very blessed for it.
God will not look down on you for trying to work it out. If anything, he will bless you for it - maybe he will help to save your marriage, or maybe just bless you for trying. There's no harm in exploring it further. If she wants to try, and you want to try - then there is NO reason not to. God or no God - if you sincerely believe that, and she sincerely believes it- the worst that can happen is it doesn't work, and the best is that you can be one of the lucky ones to fall to this point and make it out.
I know the dilemma you are in. I forgave my ex 3 times. If you truly love her and she loves you, then by all means try it again. It is ALWAYS better to save your marriage than to let it go.
Go through counseling if you must, infact that would be an exceellent choice. Give yourselfs a fresh start. I will be thinking of you and the endeavor you two are about to under take. Good luck my friend!
Jim
Seems like a lot of questions, I know, but did any of them come up? There is a way to work on your marriage. You have to be as honest as possible and you must be willing to hear what she has to say without your anger haulting the prosess.it has been my experience that the truth does hurt but if you don't listen to what is being said, you will yet again miss the point of why these things happened in your marriage.
It is evident the love you have for your wife. Save your marriage! Your wife and you need to seek counseling. Your wife made the choice and is responsible for her actions. Your actions as a husband and father did not push her to do what she did. Understand you need to make the choice to accept what has happened and move forward and not dwell. If you believe your wife is sincere save your marriage. With God, and commitment from both of you through counseling you will sure beat the odds that many of us now face. Are prayers are with you through this time of need. God Bless!
from all I know here is that you love her very much. I think that yes, you should give it a try. But, do set very clearly boundaries and think about what you really want from the relationship and if there is anything you both need to change/compromise to make this happen. Do see a marriage counsellor in the process.
You've posted so much of your heart and soul since being on DS, please, if you do decide to give it another try (and I hope you do), make certain that your hopes and needs are addressed; that you're both honest and open and that you protect yourself emotionally. Good luck to you.
I think trying to save your marriage is a win-win situation. If it doesn't work, you'll have done all you can. But... if it does work, then the rewards will follow you two through life.
All of the comments have been fantastic, and I'd like to emphasize a couple and add another:
- each of you could use a counselor and also a 3rd marriage counselor
- don't move back in just yet, but lay the proper groundwork for reuniting first; don't rush, you know what's at stake!
- accepting, forgiving, forgetting -- those are going to be your demons; tame them
- boundaries: get your marriage counselor to help develop those (so they're objective)
- goals: get your marriage counselor to help with those, too
- ask your wife: "What are your ideas to work through this?" Tell her yours.
Her willingness to just try is a blessing that seems rare in DS-land. Make her feel safe to KEEP trying -- I have no idea how to do that.
I wish you, your wife and family all the best!