Not through it -- in it, right where you are -- I don't want anything to do wiht him -- but he mae it this way with the mean, spiteful, dishonest, thieving way he left the marriage -- I feel like I could deal real well with a respectable divorce after what I have been thru -- I'll let you know if anything changes!

I too am at this point I think i read that there are 5 different levels in the breakup and as for me they all surely will suck what will be will be

I think if she could be honest with me than I would fell better. Maybe if she didn't have the affair and just told me that she didn't want to be with me it would be better. I think after all the lies, dishonesty, and keeping me from my son just has taken it's tolls. So, now I am very angry and just don't want anything to do with her. I know I still have to talk to her for the next 18 yrs. After that I can say fuck off!

find closure
http://dailystrength.org/discussions/Breakups_Divorce/messages/1330644

divorce, perhaps especially with children, is an emotional roller coaster. i think the goal is to disengage emotionally, but this is hard and takes time. i have been really angry recently, too--maybe it is related to this time of year. for many of us the reality of spending thanksgiving and christmas (is this is something that your family celebrates) alone or with a new type of family situation is just rough. i assume that it will get better. best.

I know how your feeling, I too had the one I trusted the most betray me. It has left a large tear in my heart. I go through waves of depression, anger, hatred, confusion, frustration. I didn't choose this and yet I feel the full effects of it. Does it pass? Yes and no. Free will is just that and people will do what they want. So allowing people their right to free will (right or wrong) is their choice and has no reflection on your moral standards. Forgiveness is a large leap and takes time. Maybe I too will someday find it in me to forgive him for his transgretions. I doubt it, but hope to be able to let myself be free someday.

I felt the same way, I believed him for almost a year that he would stop the cheating. I finally accepted that he would never change. the hate phase then came. I hate him for what he has done to me but especially for what he has done and continues to do to my children. He has already emotionally destroyed me, now he is trying to financially destroy me. He has subjected my children to unbelievable things. I too can't wait until my youngest is 18 so that I never will have to speak to or see him again.

Yeh, I am in it right now. Hopeing that I can get out of it and move on and not have any feelings towards her at all.

I am at this point also! It sucks! I don't really feel too bad about it though! My H and I have grown apart and now that he knows I want to separate he wants to "change". Ha! I am past that! I want out! I need out! He can't take a hint...thinks things are going to be fine! I don't hate him...I don't love him...I have no feelings for him at all! Yes, we are going to have to deal with eachother for our kids' sake but I don't want to be with him anymore! We are two separate people living two separate lives! I don't even like being home when he is home...can't look at him or talk to him! Hang in there....hopefully your anger will pass and you will find peace in you decisions!!!

Your anger is temporary and it is a natural step in grieving for the loss of the future you two dreamed of together. This is a normal psychological response to the fact that forever is ending and part of you probably resents that. Google the stages of grieving if you would like to approximate the stages that will come next. It gets better from here.

Allen, I have not gone through this yet but from all that I know, this anger is normal, it does not and is a necessary step towards that final "acceptance" where you are at peace and able to rebuild.

sorry, "it does not last forever"

Allen, I had the anger thing, too, and the resentment. I read my journal of those days in early October. I am not ashamed of my thoughts recorded there, but I would have been ashamed if I had implemented them. I learned to take the high road when in her presence, but to vent the anger in other ways outside of her or my son's presence. Working out now is good! A place to release that anger - just don't bend the machines. I ask that you do not act in anger; instead, put in place that calm, rational, loving man, and act within his values. Then scream 'fuck off' when you are by your self. Later, you will be glad that you did. All the very best to you and yes, it passes.

We split in late June and are trying reconciliation, but I still harbored resentment until just very recently, which I seem to have let go of, maybe because my Zoloft was increased, but I have been feeling better just being in my own skin without the storm clouds distorting life for me. Your anger and resentment will fade when it is ready--in the meantime you have to accept it and live with it knowing you will be much smarter and stronger coming out of it.

I'm with you Allen. If my STBX had come to me and told me he was unhappy before he started cheating that would have been different. Not great, but more acceptable.

This is just another phase we are going through in the steps to moving on, I hope anyway.