
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

keepthehope
I sent this to my wife awhile back and she responded in (parenthasee).
Most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, until
1) you have turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible, and
2) you have no unfinished emotional business.
Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on. (we can do counseling if you want you can hear all the details of what I see and how I see it)
she has said a lot of hurtful things and thinks I am the one who failed in this marriage. Do I go ahead with counceling and let her pick one for us or do I cut my losses. Have I exhuasted every effort as stated above. Need help...
Most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, until
1) you have turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible, and
2) you have no unfinished emotional business.
Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on. (we can do counseling if you want you can hear all the details of what I see and how I see it)
she has said a lot of hurtful things and thinks I am the one who failed in this marriage. Do I go ahead with counceling and let her pick one for us or do I cut my losses. Have I exhuasted every effort as stated above. Need help...
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I cut my losses and divorced. It was just final. I will tell you it hurts very much eventhough it was the best thing for me. The mistake I made was holding on for some of the same reasons you posted. I held on for 33 years. That was too long. A lot of lie was lost in the process.
There will always be unfinished emotional business in a relationship that ends. It sounds like you are wanting to be heard but no one is listening. That is a really hard thing to accept.
but why does she get to pick? why can't that be a mutal decision? there's no reason ya'll can't try a few out before you decide on one.
if it will help the 2 of you see what you've done right, what you've done wrong & help give you perspective on how to put humpty dumpty back together again...then i'm all for it.
and also, just from my perspective, i think she may really benefit from counseling. you always say that she says everything is your fault.
it's NEVER always ONLY 1 persons fault. it takes 2.
now, true...there are most definitly situations where one partner has done something above & beyond "bad"...but i honestly feel that even those of us who feel we were completely done wrong by our ex's...absolutely & completely f'd over by our ex's...i think even we can find at least 1 thing we could have done different, better.
why can't she seem to see that?
That seems to be a fair question and isn't trying to force her into something she doesn't want. If the only reason for counseling is to give her a new forum to air her grievances, then it's only going to hurt you more and give you false hope.
But if she responds positively, then you'll know that it won't be a waste of emotions and time. It's the first step to any possible reconcilitation.