I feel like I shouldn't even be wasting your time. I'm going to write a book, so go to the next message if you don't have a lot of time on your hands. :) I want to leave my husband, but I don't know how to do it. It goes against my religious beliefs as well as hurts him. A little over a year ago, my husband told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore and that he wasn't in love with me. I found out thru people at work and a little investigating of his cell phone usage that he was talking to a woman he worked with a LOT, even before he told me the above. We separated for about month while he "talked" to her and I fought for our marriage. We have been together (dating-living together-married) since 1989. I didn't want to give up. I think I should have. He came back, swore that his relationship with her was completely platonic and that he loved me. I always had my doubts about how far that relationship went, because he didn't kiss the same when he came back. Does that make sense to any of you? After about 2wks, he was unsure again. I went off the deep end and went to out-patient treatment at a local behavioral hospital for 3 weeks and continued with weekly counseling for approx 8 months. A few weeks after my time at the hospital, he decided that he did love me after all. I tried and tried to get him to go to marriage counseling with me, but he refused. As time went on, I got stronger, but nothing really changed in our marriage. The problem is that now I accept who I am and what I want and believe that I deserve to have at least some of what I want. I say it's a problem because it is not what my husband wants. He likes the status quo. The biggest issue now is that I'm nearly 38 and have always wanted a family. My husband has known that from the beginning of our relationship. He has always had one excuse or another for putting off starting a family. I feel like I'm about out of time. Some people think I already am. Now, my husband admitted that he doesn't want children. I should have seen it all along, but I guess chose to ignore it believing that one day... Anyway, now I've been e-mailing and talking on the phone to a male co-worker who is 1500 miles away. I feel like if my marriage is to the point that I would open the door to even this, we are in big trouble. I gave my husband an ultimatum about marriage counseling, to go or else. He showed up and would not participate at all. Just told the counselor he would not be drawn into it that he was only there because he had told me he would be there. Such a stubborn man!! So, I don't know what to do or how to do it. I love my husband, but I will never have the life I want with him. Do I leave and take a chance that I MIGHT get what I want??????? If so, how do I do it? How do I know I'm making the right choice? Pathetic?
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