Maybe this is a good thing and there is someway for the two of you to get back together. You might at least be able to work to that point through a slow process and a lot of communication. I wish I had that with my ex-wife.

You probably shouldn't ask us what is or isn't normal. :)

I agree with belzar, "What is normal?"


Not sure what else to sa about this, it may be strnge to others and normal for the rest.

If you have any children together, this is probably the best way to be. You are lucky to be able to handle things so well. I wish I could be this way with my ex-husband. I have no desire to be friends but we do have two young children and I just feel that it would be healthier for them. He is an alcoholic and has done so much wrong to me...I can barely speak to him. As much as I've tried, I don't know if I'll ever get over the hatred I have for him.

We discussed it at DivorceCare last night, how we may never get back together, because the trust has been shattered, and he doesn't seem to be willing to do anything to regain it (that is one of the topics we avoid). He is intelligent, worldly, has lived in many countries, worked many jobs, seems open-minded about almost everything, but has never tried to have a relationship with God... I asked him today, "how can you knock if you've never tried it?". That made him think a bit. I think when the OW died, he started thinking about God and religion a bit.

Going back to what we had is not OK with me, because the bar has been shifted... I never felt I had to 'check up' on him, he never gave me a reason to, until 2005! I trusted me for 15 years, and he is not willing to be accountable (still wants to keep finances separate, cannot GUARENTEE there won't be another OW, etc). So I think being good friends is the best it will ever be.

Maybe that is our "normal"!!!

Well, life will be what You want it to be. You will make a choice on what is acceptable to You.

(((Hugs)))

I think it's great you are good friends and if that is your normal, so be it.

My only word of caution is to make sure and be open to new and exciting relationships. Don't close yourself off to someone new because of the safety net you have built around/with him.

I don't think trying to remain friends is abnormal. I hope it isn't since that is what I hope to do with my own stbx. We love each other but are certainly not in love with one another. So far we are being amicable but who knows once the paperwork starts.

Ah yes the trick here is to define normal and all it parameters. Does it feel awkward or natural? Do you want to be around your ex or do you want to get away from him and if then there is the big one. Do you want to get back together?

Well crap! We're missing the whole point of this post.

((SLAP!!!))

There you go... :)

Devon, just make sure you don't go overboard and start "helping" him again.

He cheated on you, he lied to you, he will not promise it won't happen again. Even your counselor advised you to split up. Many couples recover from adultery, but not when the cheater has that attitude I think.

I think being "friends" CAN and usually DOES interfere with opportunities for new "friendships." 'Twould be handy if it were not so.

Normal is whatever you feel good about in the morning. He sounded like an energy drain to me in your recent post, but if being friends works for you and isn't hiding out, I'm for whatever works.

I guess I should also explain what I meant by friends. I don't think I expect to be friends in the "Hey, let's go hang out." kind of way. I just hope we can keep communication open in regards to the kids and not feel like we have to argue our point in every conversation.

My sister has a relationship like this with her ex. They've been divorced 2 years but still do everything together. I don't think either one will move on until one of them breaks the cycle but they're content with what they have. If you're happy with it, then it's normal. If not, you need to distance yourself a little so that you can move on.

Doesn't matter whats normal or not, its a positive relationship. You are making the best of a bad situation. You should be commended for not letting resentment or hurt take over.

Just be careful not to get roped into doing things for him again, or going too far back into the relationship without addressing the serious issues. Keep it casual and keep yourself open to new relationships too.

Here is your slap ( slap) because you specifically asked for one.

I think you mean "civil". can ex's be civil- absolutely andthat is the way it should be if there are children involved and co parenting for a number of years....

Normal is not a definable term. Nothing wrong with being on good communication terms with him.. but at least you realize his limitations..... he won't share finances, won't agree that there will be no other women..etc...

You sound mature and well healed.. if you ask me....


only my two cents worth