I didnt see it coming. I signed the papers today and didnt think anything of it. I had to pay the attorney all of his high fees so before I left I looked at my checking and someone stole $1,500 out of my account. At the very same time I'm talking to the bank my STBX calls and while we are discussing some important custody changes, she tells me about a work mixer and then a weekend that she will be away. It pissed me off. She could have just said that she would not be able to watch him on those dates. I wish I never had to tal to her again but sometimes I dont have a choice. Meanwhile, I have neglected doing my expense reports so I have not been reimbursed for 3 months of reciepts. I also have not done some reports that I was supposed to do at work. My finances are a mess and I am waiting on pins and needles for a loan to come through to pay off the bills and pay her off. I also need to refi the house. There is so much to be done and I cant get started. I feel paralyzed. I pretty much had a near breakdown today. Actually, I did. Overwhelmed and scared. I started to feel like I my STBX was right... I am nothing without her. I know its not true and I am ashamed to let it bother me. I felt weak today. I am bummed because I thought I was rolling along. I guess I was pushing so hard that I was in denial. I also think I've done a good job of denying the fact that I loved my wife so much. I loved my wife and she hurt me badly. I didnt want her to leave us. I said it. Maybe that will help me move on. I guess you cant skip a step in this process.
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