I grew up with an alcoholic and pain killer addicted Mother. She has been sober now for almost a year. I am so sorry to hear this, I can feel the ache you must have in your heart right now. You love him, he is your Husband, he deserves a chance, and your Family deserves a chance. I arranged an intervention with my Mom. I just couldn't watch the cycle of pain start all over again with my Daughter. I knew my Mom would die and I knew that I needed to at least try. My whole family came. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, my Brother & Sister. Thank God she made the right choice, but that is exactly what it is...a choice. Unfortunaltely, with addicts it is really up to them in the end. They can love you more than anything but still that won't stop them from using their drug. It is worth trying for though, what can you lose? Make sure that if he chooses to get help you have a facility arranged to take him and take him immediately. And let him know you will be there for him. You never know until you try. Please e-mail me if you have any questions or if you just need to talk or vent. I am not an expert, I have just been through it, but I am here to listen.

Have you considered joining the other communities taht can help you with some answers?
I have been married 12 years to an addict of alcoholi and painkillers. They have to hit their bottom before they get help, if they even want the help. It maybe that he is having a hard time dealing with your daughter's condition and this helped the addiction along.
The only advice I can give is you are dealing with two different animals. The marriage and the addiction.
In either case, you need to take care of yourself and you daughter. He is going to do whatever he wants to do until he can't do it anymore. That ball, MelC, is on his court. As I don't like to see any family fall apart, this is his fight, not yours. You take care of the rest of the family, with you. first.
Good luck.

MelC, It is very admirable to want to help him. But, I noticed in your story you do not mention that he has asked for help. Neither, you nor anyone else is going to be able to help him until he wants help. Obviously, he does not, because it is quite apparent that he was married to a compasionate person --- you, and sought to get away so he could destroy himself. I just went through this for five years. We were married for 10 years, and the last five he was on pain killers, marijuanna and who knows what else. It drained me of all my energy, my bank account, and my soul. We too were waiting for money from another source --- workers comp settlement and social security--- so that he could get by financially without me. I realize now that the sacrifice of five years of my life, supporting him and trying to pull him up, was wasted, especially, the last two when I had already moved into another part of the house and was just marking time until he had some money coming in. I assure you, that you need to take action to move on now. Don't wait for the money to come in. The waiting is robbing you of your soul, and your compassionate nature will take a toll on you to be around him at all. You can take if for what its is worth. But, having just gone through this, I would move on as fast as possible and forget him as much as possible. You don't need him or his problems. Good luck, Freebird.

You can't help someone who does not want help. Enough said.

I believe first and foremost you have to take care of yourself. This may sound selfishbut if you're not functioning at the highest level you won't last long, and soon you'll be little help to anyone. Good luck MelC.

I am the husband who is the alcholic,My rock bottom was my wife standing up for her self.She had a cancer scare & that made up her mind to heal her self & lose the stress of me.I am getting better day by day but it was my choice to find me & stop the hurt on myself,you can help but it will be his choice, at least that is the way it was for me.GOOD LUCK