Hello, this is kinda a long story but if you wanna read that would be great and thank for that.
So, i have never been in a relationship before becuase no girls really liked me in highschool or i really didn't try because i was to shy. Where this story begins is where i work. I work at an amusment park, and i the ride i work at is a free falling ride. Now all of my co-workers at the start of the season were all guys pretty much. Then out of no where this beautful girl comes, and works at the same ride as me. At first her and i never really talk but as tiome went her and i started talking a little more at work, but not flirting. Then later on in the season we had an employee thing and i asked if she wantedd to go and she said yeah. We get to employee thing with our crew and somehow we last them. So it was just me andd the girl the whole time, it was such a great fun night. Everyone knew i liked her just becuase i wouldn't leave her side and they could just tell. The next day i told my friends i work with that i really like her. They all knew and said asked her out already. I did asked her out that day and she said yes to it. Our first date went so good she actually text me first after the date. It went so good she wanted to see me againg that night. Then we went on a second date and that one went really good as well. After it i asked her out and she said she wasn't ready which i totally respected. After that we would still text and evrything and she said you should come and visit me at my school. I did visit her at her school and the date went good as well, and as i was leaving her school she asked me out. So, every Friday i would visit her just so her and i can hangout/ and see eachother. I wouldn't get back home until like 2 am and have work the next day. Things were going good, every date was fun, her parents and sisters like me. They made me feel apart of the family right away. Then, a month ago i visisted her and had a great date night. We had a nice dinner, went shopping, and just had a lot of fun togeather. We got back to her dorm and i asked her if everything was okay because she was one woeding me a day. She said " Yeah, i was just super busy with homework and school." I totally respected that. Then she said " I'm not breaking up with you not even close to that, i still really like you." After that she goes to a frat party and i couldn't go with her and i was okay with that. While shes at the party she's texting me to make sure im okay and everything. Then after the frat party she gets back to her dorm and sends me a text saying "You shouldn't see me anymore, you deserve someone better." We talked about that in person no offically breaking up. Let me just say that car ride home was the worst one of my life. I cried the whole way home, talking to my friend on the phone. After that we talk on the phone agreeing on slowing things down, but we never finished the talked because she had to go to class. Then throughout the week she was playing mind games with me, one day she wanted to be with me, one day she doesn't. A week later we talk on the phone and offically break up. She said "I need time for myself, i enjoyed every date with you, you made me happy, and things were going good, but i want you to move on." I litertally have no motivation to do anything, i have never been in such a dark place. I though i treated her so good so she woulnd't of left me but she did. I guess i'm going to be single for life.
our fights are so intense, this one led to our third break up. I hate that I lose her entirely everytime we have one of those fights. One day she’s here, the next she’s gone entirely.this is so painful.
i was sexually abused my my other brother around the age of 5 and it went on until I was 10. I see him everyday and I get extreme anxiety. I can’t tell anyone. I feel disgusting. What do I do.