Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,844 Members
100,051 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

My first big challenge is over

deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi everyone. I would like to thank all of those who replied to my earlier post about my first challenge. Well the Christmas program went pretty good. My stbx and his girlfriend along with her two kids showed up. which I knew they would and I was glad that my stbx showed up for our kids. He did sit very close to me and my family which I didn't really like but whatever. He came over to see our little girl who was sitting in my lap. He held her for a little while right behind me and asked me where the boys were. I pointed them out. He asked me if our daughter could sit with him and I told him no that I wanted her with me. Then we talked a little about Christmas which he wants the kids on Christmas eve and swore to me he would bring them back that night. He than asked when I was going to start letting him have the kids two weeks during the month and I said that I didn't think that was a good idea. Then he said well one week at his house and one week at mine. I told him no to that too but said we could do 2 nights during the week and every other weekend. He said no that he wanted them 2 nights out of the week and every weekend. I said no so again we are not in agreement. Then the program started so he moved back over to where he was sitting. At one point during the program we looked at each other and just smiled. It was nice. I felt like maybe we saw how important being parents is and that we could come to agreements about things in which the kids are involved. It was just a nice moment. Then as soon as our kids were done singing he said goodbye to them and left. I felt really good. At first it hurt to see them together and than I just relized that I was ok without him and I enjoyed seeing my kids sing and I was so happy. I am glad its over but it went so much better than what I thought. Again thanks and sorry this is so long.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Has he given any thought as to what is good for the kids or what they want? How old are your kids? My opinion, he is being very selfish and is just thinking about himself, not the kids.

What does a marriage counselor say about how best to divide up the time. They need to be with their dad too, but it needs not to be a bouncing back and forth. And where is he living? Is he living alone or with the OW?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm proud of you sticking to your boundries and being polite about it.

Stay strong
deleted_user
deleted_user
my kids are 6,5,4, and 1 but he doesn't take the 1 year old when he has the kids. He is very selfish which is really only something I have come to see since we spilt up. We haven't talked to a marriage counselor but I am a Psychology major in school and have done some research and a week is too long for young kids to be away from their primary care giver which has always been me even when we were together. He is also living with the OW her two kids and some woman I don't even know and her son. I think he mainly wants the kids so much because he thinks he won't have to pay child support. That is usually all he ever wants to talk about with me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My child support is $330 a week so I understand how that can be daunting, but if that is his sole focus he shouldn't be caring for the kids. Love above all else is what the kids need, I hope he staarts being resonable. I know here in MA they have a set amount based on both the incomes and who pays for what (medical etc.) and who has primary care. He will find that most likely there will be no choice and rest assured the courts put the needs of the kids above all else.

I hope it works out for you and your kids, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sounds like his environment needs to be evaluated by a professional. They are going to be confused there and they are not going to be treated the same by the OW from what I have read over time.
Doesn't sound good. Get someone on this so the little ones don't suffer.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well done! I hope this is just the first of many smooth joint outings for you and him. Just keep putting the kids first always, even though at times it is very difficult.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: mujicaptsd
    2563
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...