I think what you are feeling is normal. Just because you are the one that wanted out doesn't erase the years and experiences that you shared with this man. I was the one that was left in my case, but it was for the best. He moved out of my house and in with his GF. While I would NEVER take him back and I wish him the best, etc. I still have moments of feeling upset because someone else is able to make him happy when for some reason I couldn't. I think it is normal. Don't beat yourself up too much over it. Good luck.

I understand the hurt but I don't think you have it towards him and the relationship that you had together. It's more about another person in your kids lives. My soon to be ex husband started seeing his girlfriend not even a month after he filed papers. Then I found out from kids that they all went camping for july4th. That killed me. It wasn't anything to do to her it was how do my kids now view me and her and am I replacable.

Thanks... I think you are both right. It's hard knowing that someone else is there, for them... having what was my dream at one point. If he wants to marry her, I plan to ask to meet her so we can be a "team". I'm just sad... and not really understanding. Must have been painful - the camping trip news. Ouch. I'm sorry to hear about that. I don't think I'm far behind you on that kind of event happening.

Yeah the news hurts every time I hear something about her from the kids, but I put up my head and take it for what it is. Hopefully someday I will be able to let someone in my life too.

Searcing I think you've got the perfect attitude. It's hard though. I dread hearing about my ex's new woman and I don't want my kids to feel my "pain" of it. After all, I chose this route right? Anway, I believe in prayer and I'll believe for you to be strong... and be able to open your heart to someone new when it's right. Thanks for your reply. It helps knowing I'm not alone.

I believe these are normal feeling as well. Just don't get [stuck] or [trapped] or [depress] in these feelings. Process them and move on. Understand you are a blessing to someone special one day and most of all love yourself. You are a gift and one day someone deserving will unwrap your package. But until then be grateful for what you have not for what you don't have. It is going to be okay.

I dont know where these feelings come from. My marriage was pure misery but I thought I would die when I found that she was involved with another man. To make it worse I found that they had started their relationship before we separated. It hurts and I dont know why. I should be thankful but I'm not.

Thanks Chosen. You are right on. The sermon at church today was about being thankful - grateful, even when times are hard. Time will heal. Life won't always feel this way. It's another "divorce bump" as I've come to call them. They do stop at some point I hope - these divorce bumps. Thanks again.

Brian - I hear ya! It doesn't make sense. I was miserable too... it's just hard knowing I've been replaced. After all, we did marry and thought it would be a forever deal right? It's hard when the forever part becomes the "never" part and someone fills in the possible "forever". I don't understand my feelings; it's just helpful to know I'm not alone feeling this way.

I just want to know when do the bumps become a smooth ride again? And how long does it take to actually be ok with it all instead of basicaly putting on a show to everyone else while you just want to crawl under a rock and hide sometimes

You're welcome, CynthiaMP. I like how you put it--divorce bumps. I called it a hellish marriage, but nevertheless that hellish marriage/divorce bump brought me to my knees in prayer. Sometimes things can hurt so bad instead of looking down, I looked up to God for help with my pain. There is something about the love of God that soothes a broken heart. Everything that concerns you concerns him.

I can remember when I was going through my separation my biggest question was how do you be thankful or grateful when all hell is breaking loose? How do you be joyful when pain seems to fill my broken heart? And why is this all happening to me? These questions surrounded my thoughts. This is how:

This joy that I have the world didn't give it to me and the world can't take it away. In prayer...God spoke "my grace is sufficient"....

....and this has keep me in the times when I thought I was going to loose my mind--His grace was sufficient..

my STBX left me for another women with whom he is very serious with..it made me feel soo upset and kinda mad..i didnt see how they got to be happy when i was sad..and hes the one who cheated on me...He hasnt introduced are daughter to her yet...which im thankful for..im not sure im ready for that part of it yet...but i do know how you feel...and trust me it gets easier..Hang in there sweety!!

I sympathize with you. My X has been with a couple of different guys now and she was happier with both of them than she was with me for a long time. I try to tell myself that it wasn't all me, but I feel the failure of the marriage weighing down on me as if it were all my fault when I know logically that it wasn't.

I find it to be really tough when the kids are anxious to talk with the current BF and he has a cute nickname for the youngest (8) that she likes. I know that he won't replace me in their hearts but I also know I really don't want to share them with anyone else besides my X.

It wasn't all your fault - it takes two. It's hard sharing the kids... I feel like you do. Tonight my little boy (5) told me "Mommy, she's really nice!". I just smiled and said that good,I'm sure she is. Inside I was feeling stabbed.

dating, dating, how would you like to walk in and see your wife giving head to someone? Dating I can deal with. (smile)