I know i am very young and my problem seems very insignificant compared to many of the others on this website, but it is the first time i have ever felt like this, and i have no idea how to cope with this, and i really need help. I apologise about the length but i want to make everything clear.
I first met my ex at a party about 6 years ago, and got on well with her, and for some unknown reason, i really fancied her for all this time. We spoke a lot for 4 years on chatrooms and the phone, but never met up (!). A couple of weeks after we met up i finally ended up going out together and sort of living together for approximately two years. Before we were going out i was a bit wild, i enjoyed getting drunk with my friends at parties and often chased girls, standard sort of teenage behaviour.
I first told her i loved her about 3 months into the relationship, and i did, the old saying you'll know when you are in love is true.
She didn't share the same feelings for me so it was pretty tempestuous for a month or so, we broke up for a couple of days sort of thing about 3 times.
A couple of months or so after that she said she loved me, we were finally in love together and for about 9 months we were in love, and the world seemed perfect.
Then i went travelling with my best friends, who were all male, and ended up drunkenly kising a couple of girls in consecutive nights. This was sort of accidental, all my friends and i were drunkenly dancing in a group, and groups of girls came over and danced with us, and before i knew it i was kissing a girl each night. It was completely meaningless.
I think this had somehing to do with me reverting back to my old single self whilst under the influence of drink and being with my friends for weeks on end.
Everything was ok when i returned to the uk, although i think she could tell something was wrong, as the next month was a bit off, and then when i went to university the worst thing possible happened.
One night i was so drunk that i had to be helped back to my halls by a couple of friends, and a girl said that she would look after me, and we ended up sleeping together twice.
I told my girlfriend about this as i felt too guilty and also about what happened when travelling, and she was obviously extremely upset. Hpwever because our love was so strong, we stayed together for another 6 months, where things were really good, before she broke up with me. Another significant factor was my family, they didn't approve of me being in such a serious relationship before university and were often cold towards her whenever she came round to my house.
I recently found out that she premeditated to see someone ten years older than me a few days before we broke up, and whilst telling her how hurt i felt speaking on the phone she told me she had slept with him, and had being doing stuff with him for a while.
After we broke up i thought i couldn't get anymore down, everything reminded me of her, everywhere we used to go together where i have to go seems tainted, and imagining her doing all the little things, like the little notes and presents and cuddles which used to be so special between us, with someone else was heartbreaking enough, and i was getting on day by day, but now with her having told me this i feel as if i just cant cope anymore, the thought of her with someone else just seems too much.
I know i acted like an complete idiot and was lucky to have her and i wish more than anything i could go back in time and change things, but i desperately need help to get over this as i don't know what to do anymore, i have been drinking a lot more than usual, which doesn't help, it only seems to make things worse. I have mnaged to control my drinking - it is not of alcoholic tendency.
Any help and advice on this would be so very gratefully appreciated.