Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Multiple divorces

deleted_user
deleted_user
Anyone can be married and get divorced. But then comes the second marriage and divorce. What happens? Where is the breakdown of the marriage. Didn't we learn anything from the first marriage? What happened. What do we need to learn to NOT repeat this pattern again? Do we stop believing in the sanctity of marriage and the forever part of the vows? Or is it until we find something better or cannot put up with this any more? Synical? I'm not sure. I want to be a positive person. But after totally believing in two persons and thinking that one was my soul mate and best friend...what do you think? I feel less able to make a logical decision about romance and committment. I cannot trust myself, so how can I trust someone else? Just curious as to how everyone else feels about this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, thats a tough topic. Myself I have sworn off marriage, thats not to say that I don't want a lifelong commited relationship but why the hell do I need a piece of paper that tells me who I am and what MY part is. You're exactly right about the sanctity of marriage and there are probably a million different opinions as to why very few take it so lightly. Where some find warmth and comfort in the marriage, others see it as a cage. But as for taking chances..why not. Life is way too short and if you live in fear, then what kind of a life do you really have? Besides third times a charm, right? Hang in there and stay after it. Everyone deserves to be loved.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've only been married once but I do have a friend who has been married/divorced three times. He is bummed that his marriages didn't work out, but he also sees the positive in that each relationship was longer and longer.

Another divorced friend said her 'picker outer' was broken! When she fixed that, she found a guy she really clicks with.

I think as long as you really look at why the marriage didn't work, what was your part in it, what do you need to work on, fix your 'picker-outer' if it needs fixing...then you are doing everything you can.

Maybe you can't trust yourself or someone else right now, but if you give yourself time, you will be able to again. I really believe that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've gone in a zillion circles on this one. I am beginning to think it boils down to some preety simple yet complex factors.

I DEFINITELY think that if the value,moral and belief system of both individuals involved is the SAME that just about anything can be overcome. Thats not to say though,that people dont or cant change. Thats where you throw the wrench in.

Also, I now realize that it will never work if both are not healthy,whole and complete within themselves,separate from the other. We should be an addition to that persons happiness, not the root of.

It can only get better from here..right? sooo many lessons learned.
patti22
patti22
Yep, I think that we basically need to be happy on our own, but I think we also need to be really committed to making things work when there are problems.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I got this article from one of the many marriage websites I've looked through. It says that the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is 70% and for 3rd marriages is 80%. Isn't that insane! Basically the article says that you should figure out what went wrong with your first marriage before jumping into the next one and making the same mistakes.
And that is why I am now in therapy :P
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