For me, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. AND I initiated it!! But knowing I am a better person without him, and focusing on the kids and keeping happy to piss him off helps! And to be brutally honest? The pain for me was unbaearable. Comes and goes. Doesnt come as often now. Just keep on going, this is the path that has been given you and only you can make the best of it:) Will be thinking of you.

I know I tried my best. I can't control the way he feels and behaves. I decided that I love him enough to let him go.

I left my todays journal open, feel free to read. I too am approaching that final day. I wonder how I will survive it, and if maybe I have imagined all my signs from God. I am a christian, and I believe in my marriage, but am too, very discouraged. the whole reason I decided to reply, is that I feel EXACTLY the same about the "dark side". I didn't think anyone else would understand.

honestly talking to other people has really helped me...freinds family...even people on here

It is one of the hardest thing, I have ever been through. It is tough, when this was not your decision. Reality is, we cannot control in anyway, how the other person is thinking, and really at the end of the day, do we want to. I would rather someone, who wanted me for me, and not have to debate it.

Letting go is the hardest part, but why would you want to with someone that doesn't want to be with you. And love you the way you deserve. The first couple of months of trying to figure out how to go on without the other half of you is the hardest. Keep your head up and pray every now and then.

I truly don't know. I am still in the "fighting" mode, against all odds. I cannot bring myself to give up and "move on", partially because the finality and reality is much too ainful for me to bear right now. good question.

I don't know I ask him again tonight why he wants this. I am a glutton for punishment. I guess I like hearing over and over that something in him died toward me last year and he can't get it back. Yeah I just need to let go, but it is really hard.

Your love for her runs deep as mine did for my wife. You forught ofr what you believed in and there is nothing wrong with that. That shows your true commitment in facing all this crap we go through. I thought I would be willing to give up my life for her, to walk through hell and back for her and you know what I was doing that. You say these things when you are in love and literally you would give all of you when the time came. Will the time came and she did not see that, my wife did not see that. Love is hard my friend. I had to reach a breaking point in my undying love I have for her. I had to realize that giving up my life to someone who doesn't love me back to find that precious anymore is just not worth giving up on my life. Go through hell waiting for her to change her mind was not doing me any good other then causing me to lose sleep, weight and emotional state of mind. Did I fail her but not sacarficing myself for her? I think not. I think I saved myself. If she loved you for who you are then the sacrfice would have been will worth it, but she doesn't feel it anymore, and she will regret it later in life and you will have moved on.

sorry I know better to proof read when I am tired. But Ithink you know what I was trying to say

I wish I knew that answer too bham. I am in the midst of still striving for our marriage. I pray daily for either strength to endure or strength to get over my love for him. I feel like such a schmuck at times, because I know I am still willing to forgive even though he has/is putting me through hell.
So my fellow sufferer, when you get the answer, please share.

Thinking of you and sort of glad it's not just me that cannot is having such a difficult time of letting go.
Kudos to all of you who have made it through! I'm still in the can't eat, sleep, and indulging in the wine bottle too much mode.

Slowly I let go. Every passing day was one more further from stbx and our life together.

It was not an easy thing and I kept telling myself this is my new reality but little by little the feeling of reconciling slipped away until it was gone. VERY SAD even typing this because of what was!

My stbx wants to be lovers, but dosn't want the mairage. The problem with being lovers is that I am still in love. I have told her to leave me alone for good. Its been about 3 months and the pain is unbearable. More so when we keep in contact.

This prayer is what has gotten me through this:

"God, grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT CHANGE,

The COURAGE to CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN,

And the WISDOM to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

I would keep playing in my head, "accept the things I cannot change". I cannot change my X's behavior or feelings! I can't make him sober, I can't make him honest, and I can't make him faithful! I had to ACCEPT that he is who he is and my idea of the marriage was over (as painful as that was!).

"The courage to change the things I can.." I can change MY attitude and MY behavior. I had to ask myself, independent of the X (without him), what can I do that's best for me and my children? I CAN decide to have a good day....to have a good life! Some days are better than others, but this prayer seems to help remind me what I can and cannot control.

Best of luck to you :)

Find a way to do things for others...anyone, just go and do something where you don't expect any return.

You are at the most difficult stage, in my opinion, because there is nothing left to fight over, nothing left to grasp at and what you want sobadly to deny is now reality.

You must stay on your path to loving yourself, rediscovering your value, your worth and do what you can to change those obsessive thinking tapes in your head.

If you have no children you are waaaaay better off. If you do, they it willtake longer.

Keep in mind that there is her story, your story and then the REAL story. My ex used to say something very painful to me:

"Don't rewrite history". In my language it translates into "don't polish the turd".

There are so many ways to do this, how will you?