Every LBS goes through this type of mourning of the marriage. Its only natural to especially in my situation where there was a lot of connection that went on with my X and me. But it is getting much better to visualize a life without her in it.



I am now starting to see a life that doesnt evolve around her and her issues.



I am still seeking to understand why the marriage failed for the purpose of learning from the experience and to prevent repeating mistakes. I dont want to have something like this ever happen again. I am not trying to blame myself for the breakup of a home, this time I am trying to focus on the issues that I caused during the marriage o that I can change what I can change. I must invest my time and energy wisely, and make sure that I start at the right place. A number of my relationships have failed, its hard to ignore the reality that in theses relationships I was the common denominator......So what did I do?..."How did I contribute to these problem?"

I so desperately want to avoid making the same mistakes again. The answers I seek should prevent me from making the same mistakes again and again.

It doesnt matter if she doesnt see any of her mistakes; this journey is not about her. This journey is about me finding myself and I finding that life can be fun again!



Tolerance and forgiveness are a must in any new relationships that I begin in the future. But one thing I have to understand is



I must be very aware of the right person for me will be flesh and blood, and like every other inhabitant on this round blue planet, imperfect, flawed and faulty to some degree, simply put, they are a human being. My romantic maturity will begin with the acceptance of her faults and baggage that will come with EVERY person that I will come in contact with.

I know that I can make a relationship work. And I truly believe that I can love another human being with my whole heart one day and truly open up to that person. I also know that I am still a healing human being. What does the Elton John song say?

I cant find
Oh, the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way feel
Dont discard me baby
Just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have,
They need love, they need love to help them heal..


Dont let the sun go down on me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g7_K2iv5j0


I know I have some healing still to do and I will probably be a little guarded and some walls will go up and some walls will go down. I also know that if I dont take a chance I could live a life without passion. A passionless life is something that I want to avoid as well. So there will have to be balance in my life.

And in the same regards I have to get used to the idea and accept their failings and flaws along with their good qualities.. And that they are healing as well from past relationships that they have been in.


Every one of us that are single at our age has PROBABLY had a few BAD relationships that have caused lot of pain. The fact is that people are a mix, a package, rough with the smooth, and should not be judged and rejected on the sum total of their imperfections....the sooner we all see and know this about them (rather than later when you are resentful and bitter and apt to be thinking you have been "sold a lemon"), the better.... By the same token I would want my partner to reciprocate, love and accept the real me for who I truly am, all my warts and all and all my dirty socks and all the imperfection that I have as well.


Oh well this is definitely a journey and I am looking forward to finding myself and me finding that life can be fun again! Yes FUN again!