Wow... it is tought to be honest here just because my goal to seek custody will appear to contradict what I am about to say.

I agree fully that, by nature, a child should spend a majority of their pre-grammer school ages with their mother. If men where meant to have children at these ages then we would have boobs and be lactating.

I do want to emphasis that (based on the effect it has had on my wife...or stbxw) it is REALLY important that the father remains in the childs life. As far what percentage of time well its a tough call because I don\'t think that I represent most men. And I think a majority of men don\'t realize and embrace their responsibilities to their children and many times the mom will have to pick up some of that slack... so their is certainly a \"per case\" determination needed.

The exception to this rule would always be if the child is at risk for emotional or physical risk with either parent.

I do not agree with either posts, it has to evalusated on an individual basis and BOTH parents need time with the children, fathers and mothers have differring roles and both are equally required by children. Lacatation and breatsfeeding are just a small part of parenting, father\'s can coddle, hold, love and care for children equally and should not be even compared.

I absolutely agree with you. As long as the mother is stable, healthy , and can provide the kind of environment a child needs, she should undoubtedly have custody. Exceptions should only arise when the mother in question is unfit. I have filed for sole legal and sole physical custody of my son. His father has one overnight visit every Tuesday and a second overnight every other Saturday. This system is fair in that my son and his father still have some weekend experiences together, but I am not without him every weekend. My ex is not a terrible father, but I really think he has a lot to learn. Limiting his time with our son has meant that whenever they are together, their time is quality, and his attention is very focused on our child. My half-sister put it best when she said she has had a crappy father and no father (he died when she was 11). She says any father is better than no father. (Of course, as long as there is no abuse of any kind.) So I am also an advocate for paternal rights, because helping foster a relationship between a father and son is not about doing a favor for dad, it is about doing right for our children.

I absolutely agree with you. As long as the mother is stable, healthy , and can provide the kind of environment a child needs, she should undoubtedly have custody. Exceptions should only arise when the mother in question is unfit. I have filed for sole legal and sole physical custody of my son. His father has one overnight visit every Tuesday and a second overnight every other Saturday. This system is fair in that my son and his father still have some weekend experiences together, but I am not without him every weekend. My ex is not a terrible father, but I really think he has a lot to learn. Limiting his time with our son has meant that whenever they are together, their time is quality, and his attention is very focused on our child. My half-sister put it best when she said she has had a crappy father and no father (he died when she was 11). She says any father is better than no father. (Of course, as long as there is no abuse of any kind.) So I am also an advocate for paternal rights, because helping foster a relationship between a father and son is not about doing a favor for dad, it is about doing right for our children.

I most STRONGLY disagree. For the first three months of eldest daughter\'s life, I changed her diapers, I fixed her bottles, I rocked to sleep in the middle of the night,I took her with me when going out because my wife just couldn\'t be bothered.

Please emphasize the \"I\" in the above paragraph.

Actually, BOTH my daughters bonded to me long before they ever bonded to their mother.
Just because our primary sexual organs hang outside of our bodies is NO reason to automatically assume that we as a gender are incapable of being nurturing parents.

I find that generalization offensive and way off the mark.
Uther

I also disagree with your post. What I do agree with is that it is not right for either party to \"steal\" or keep kids away from the other party. But the generalization that dads can\'t provide all that moms can is just plain nonsense. For example, what about all the kids that lost their mothers but not their fathers on 9/11? Or the orphans of the tsunami? Are those kids somehow slighted because dad or extended family become the nucleus of love and support? The luckiest of children are blessed with two supportive, caring, nurturing parents. I also know that the bond between baby and mother is unique. But it\'s not a prerequisite to life (like oxygen or water) and certainly shouldn\'t form the basis of custody decisions.
My 2c

Sorry, I\'m a mom but disagree.
A father can give the same amount of love and support to a child that a mother can, given they are willing and able to do so.

I don\'t argue that there is a definite bond between mother and child due to the mother carrying the baby during pregancy, breastfeeding and being with the child, but I have seen many men give the same amount of love affection, tenderness and caring to their children as the mother.

Good luck!

One more thing, just because you are the mother doesn\'t mean you get custody.

There is so much that should be considered when it comes to custody.

It is not fair to the fathers.

Even though I may end up divorcing my husband next year, I would never not share custody of my kids with him.

That is wrong.

Women have wanted equal rights for years, men deserve the same when it comes to their children.

If I may...

I agree fully with every comment.

Please excuse me if I generalized and offended. I too feel that I am a better nurturer of my daughter. I feel that SHE gave birth to my child solely because she needed to be accepted socially (given her age) and only treats my daughter like property and loves her as much as one could love a car or piece of jewelry. I have seen interaction between my wife and daughter and I have had visions of \"wire hangers\" from \"Mother Dearest\" flash before my eyes. I feel that it is my duty as a father to fight for primary custody of my daughter but I also recognize that my daughter needs to have her mother in her life.

The question I answered (and probably just didn\'t read clearly) in a situation in which both parents are not threats and of sound mind and body the temporary custody would naturally default to the mother UNTIL the court hearing and a proper evaluation can be made as to what is best for the child.

Every situation is unique but in a situation in which both parents are fine and both are equal in their contribution to the childs emotional and physical well being wouldn\'t it default to the mother or is it based on the sex of the child?

Sorry didn\'t mean to offend...and if you knew my situation you would know that I am in your boat in regards to the fathers importance in the childs life. I guess I made a few assumptions here. Sorry.

I also have to disagree. Children need both male and female role models, and most importantly, loving, healthy parents. If both mom and dad can be good parents, they should have shared custody. If not, then of course the child should go with whichever can provide them with the loving environment they need. Ideally that parent will have opposite-sex friends that can interact with the child sometimes.

I just filed for divorce a few weeks ago and and undergoing some issues with custody. Yes, I feel like the kids should be with me more, but that\'s only because I\'m being selfish. I do believe that the kids have every right to see their dad just as much as me. They smile from eat to ear when they see either of us so what right do I have to have them more than their dad? It\'s just going to be a huge adjustment for me to not see them every day. I can see where some women would solely base their opinion on the child support though. It\'s a huge chunk of change. Heck, it would pay for my house payment and all the utilities, but it\'s not fair.

I think you guys mis read my post. I never said moms are better than dads and I never said that moms should be the only care taker, I simply said that when a child is 3 yrs old or younger they should be with their mother, unless the mother is of harm, or is out somking dope. However, tha father does play an important role in the child life, but I beleve that the mother should have the kids (expecally when you have an ex-husband like mine) When the father has never changed a diaper, never cooked, never spent time with the family, instead he went out to the bar every night, or sat in the back bed room and played playstation, Then no I do not think he should have them. You are right every situation is different, yours is different than mine. But in my situation, my ex took them from me to try to control me (he wanted me back), so he used the kids to try to do that. This is why I say My Kids Belong With Me.

well child support is the last thing on my mind right now, I am simply looking at the best intrest of my children. However I know my boys love their dad, and their dad loves them, I think that he took them in a selfish way (to get back at me) and you should not use your kids as weapons in a divorce. But he is and it\'s unfair. I am curently payong child support, however when I get custody back in a couple of weeks he will be required to pay, but that is not why I want custody. But there is some people who do think like that.

I don\'t know that we all mis-read the post; I still disagree that children of any age necessarily need to be with their mother. They should, if at all possible, be with their mother and their father provided they are both capable parents. As you said, each situation is different and in your situation it certainly sounds as though the kids would be best served to be in your custody.
Hopefully their father can grow up and assume some responsibility because it can only serve to help both the kids and you in the long term.
I wish you the best of luck-

I wanted to stay out of this... but really feel compelled to share my opinion of this matter...

The idea that kids should always be with their moms has become so institutionalized that it makes the legal system extremely unfair towards men.

I agree that every situation is different - so here\'s mine, from my perspective - of course - I do not feel my wife is mentally well... I have a very stable job and decent income and have worked for years to hold the family together.

After my daughter was born, my wife was not well for a long period of time, and I bonded very strongly with my daughter - I was doing all the feedings, bathing, etc... but the courts do not see the history - they just see my wife putting on the \"stay at home mom\" act and me with all the income.

I say act because for years she has tried school and different jobs. Things are hard for her, and I care about that... but now I feel like I am the target of her frustration, and am just a walking checkbook.

She was having an affair, and moved out. She took the kids away from their home even though I was asking for them to stay here... she is pushing us into bankruptcy and taking no responsibility for any of this.

At the end of it all, she will likely divorce me, and get the kids, and get half of my income - unless I really try to demonstrate her mental health issues, which quite frankly, I am not sure is worth the battle right now financially or emotionally, or even where the kids are concerned.

I don\'t want to hurt her, or take the kids away from her. All I wanted was for the kids to remain in their home with a loving and caring father who has been loyal and faithful to this family for over a decade, while my wife goes off and explores her new found identity.

And the point of all of this is that if and when this gets to court - the entire burden of proof is on me - because without a tremendous effort on my part - the courts would simply hand my kids and my income off to her... because so many people just assume that \"kids should be with their moms\".

If it helps explain why this is so frustrating to me - please understand that I have tried to get my wife to go to marriage counseling, and never wanted her to move out.