
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
How many of you would agree with me when I say the small children should be with their moms unless the mom is out somking dope or something. I am not by any means saying that moms should be the only person allowed to see their kids, but I don\'t think it is right for a father to come into the mothers home during a divorce and \"steal\" the kids and then keep them from her. When a child is that young (bot or girl) need to be with the mom. I do not think on the other hane a mom should keep their kids away from the dad because they need their dad also, however dads just cannot provide all of the things a mom can provide. I am not saying we are better it\'s just that we carried for 9 months and they are more attached to us, and we peovide that emotional bond that only moms can provide. Sure I know dads have a bond as well but it is nothing like that between baby and mom.
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I agree fully that, by nature, a child should spend a majority of their pre-grammer school ages with their mother. If men where meant to have children at these ages then we would have boobs and be lactating.
I do want to emphasis that (based on the effect it has had on my wife...or stbxw) it is REALLY important that the father remains in the childs life. As far what percentage of time well its a tough call because I don\'t think that I represent most men. And I think a majority of men don\'t realize and embrace their responsibilities to their children and many times the mom will have to pick up some of that slack... so their is certainly a \"per case\" determination needed.
The exception to this rule would always be if the child is at risk for emotional or physical risk with either parent.
Please emphasize the \"I\" in the above paragraph.
Actually, BOTH my daughters bonded to me long before they ever bonded to their mother.
Just because our primary sexual organs hang outside of our bodies is NO reason to automatically assume that we as a gender are incapable of being nurturing parents.
I find that generalization offensive and way off the mark.
Uther
My 2c
A father can give the same amount of love and support to a child that a mother can, given they are willing and able to do so.
I don\'t argue that there is a definite bond between mother and child due to the mother carrying the baby during pregancy, breastfeeding and being with the child, but I have seen many men give the same amount of love affection, tenderness and caring to their children as the mother.
Good luck!
There is so much that should be considered when it comes to custody.
It is not fair to the fathers.
Even though I may end up divorcing my husband next year, I would never not share custody of my kids with him.
That is wrong.
Women have wanted equal rights for years, men deserve the same when it comes to their children.
I agree fully with every comment.
Please excuse me if I generalized and offended. I too feel that I am a better nurturer of my daughter. I feel that SHE gave birth to my child solely because she needed to be accepted socially (given her age) and only treats my daughter like property and loves her as much as one could love a car or piece of jewelry. I have seen interaction between my wife and daughter and I have had visions of \"wire hangers\" from \"Mother Dearest\" flash before my eyes. I feel that it is my duty as a father to fight for primary custody of my daughter but I also recognize that my daughter needs to have her mother in her life.
The question I answered (and probably just didn\'t read clearly) in a situation in which both parents are not threats and of sound mind and body the temporary custody would naturally default to the mother UNTIL the court hearing and a proper evaluation can be made as to what is best for the child.
Every situation is unique but in a situation in which both parents are fine and both are equal in their contribution to the childs emotional and physical well being wouldn\'t it default to the mother or is it based on the sex of the child?
Sorry didn\'t mean to offend...and if you knew my situation you would know that I am in your boat in regards to the fathers importance in the childs life. I guess I made a few assumptions here. Sorry.
Hopefully their father can grow up and assume some responsibility because it can only serve to help both the kids and you in the long term.
I wish you the best of luck-
The idea that kids should always be with their moms has become so institutionalized that it makes the legal system extremely unfair towards men.
I agree that every situation is different - so here\'s mine, from my perspective - of course - I do not feel my wife is mentally well... I have a very stable job and decent income and have worked for years to hold the family together.
After my daughter was born, my wife was not well for a long period of time, and I bonded very strongly with my daughter - I was doing all the feedings, bathing, etc... but the courts do not see the history - they just see my wife putting on the \"stay at home mom\" act and me with all the income.
I say act because for years she has tried school and different jobs. Things are hard for her, and I care about that... but now I feel like I am the target of her frustration, and am just a walking checkbook.
She was having an affair, and moved out. She took the kids away from their home even though I was asking for them to stay here... she is pushing us into bankruptcy and taking no responsibility for any of this.
At the end of it all, she will likely divorce me, and get the kids, and get half of my income - unless I really try to demonstrate her mental health issues, which quite frankly, I am not sure is worth the battle right now financially or emotionally, or even where the kids are concerned.
I don\'t want to hurt her, or take the kids away from her. All I wanted was for the kids to remain in their home with a loving and caring father who has been loyal and faithful to this family for over a decade, while my wife goes off and explores her new found identity.
And the point of all of this is that if and when this gets to court - the entire burden of proof is on me - because without a tremendous effort on my part - the courts would simply hand my kids and my income off to her... because so many people just assume that \"kids should be with their moms\".
If it helps explain why this is so frustrating to me - please understand that I have tried to get my wife to go to marriage counseling, and never wanted her to move out.