The only thing you can do is let him go and hope that the values that you taught him come thru. Hopefully he will come around and return some respect to you.

i'm so very sorry you had to go through that. let him go. he loves you, don't forget that. the fact that he wants to go is one thing. however, you need to tell him, that saying he didn't care what you felt or thought was disrespectful and unacceptable. he needs to think before he speaks to you like that. set that boundry right away. and tibi, hmmmm... is that the way his father behaves? let him go, being able to do what you want all the time is not the greatest thing in the world, let him learn it on his own. but you do deserve respect with the way he speaks to you.

Not exactly, but similar. Let him go. Trust that you have done a good job. My 14 year old told me I wasn't as much fun, wasn't as rich - just wasn't as good as her dad and chose to live with him. Teenagers are fickle and focused on the surface things. Within a year she regretted her choice. Said her dad was neglectful, mean, you get the idea. Maybe your son just needs this "bonding time" to see the other side of dad - the selfish, self-centered one. There is always the chance that might not happen, but I bet it will and rest assured in the knowledge that you are an incredible mother who set her own needs aside for your kids while your husband went out and chased women like a dog in heat. Hold your head up high and rest assured that if your son doesn't realize it now, he will someday - and in the meantime, go on about your life. If you let your son know your hurt the guilt might drive him further away from you. Sending you my love.

Yes and it hurt really bad. I can tell you that I have accepted my daughter's choice. It gets easier to deal with over time. It hurts but I hope that through acceptance and with time things will improve.

chrurop--you are right it is exactly the way his dad talked to me--oh, I hope the apple falls very, very, far away from THAT tree!

I think your son is just reacting to the separation. I find my son is a different child with his dad is around vs when his dad is gone on travel. (son is 18yo) It's definitely a male bonding that ties them together, try not to take it personally...i try not to, but I usually fail (MY problem). THe other day when I was crying about something stbx said/did, my son was right there upstairs giving me a tight hug and although he didn't know what had happened, he was there and said "it will be ok MOM" Your son does know you love him just tell him so every opportunity. When you are together, give him time to talk about him, which is all they think about at this time of their lives anyway. HUGS!!!

HUGS to you. Unfortunately he is considered an adult although he's not acting like it and he can do whatever he wants.

I'm sorry he hurt you with his words. You will just have to let him go and do his own thing and be there as his mom if he needs it without being a doormat of course. Teenagers will take what they can get and it seems that your stbx is giving him just that.

We have ALOT in common. Both of my children feel pity for their father and I am the bad guy, as I was the leaver. Now that I am contacting a lawyer they are pissed at me. The feel as their father dose, that when I left I gave up my right to anything. My kids would rather see me live in a one bedroom apartment for ten years while their father sells off houselots one by one and makes a small fortune. It hurts so much, I understand you grief!!!!! I too am a victim of emotional abuse, 16 long years of it. Read some of my journals..........

Absolutley. I have two teens here. My son moved out a while ago to live with his dad, (I grounded him...he was pissy and called Dad to get him).

Appears that the grass ain't greener, because he moved back here Friday night. My rules haven't changed any, this has been made VERY clear. It has also been made clear that he's not going to play this way, back and forth....

I've said it once and a dozen times sice,, the kids will play us against each other.. Your son is 18,, he is legally an adult, he has the right to live where he wants,, lte him,, he will come home. He was probably angry when he said those things to you and please do not take them to heart! He learned allot about how to hurt you by watching your husband I am sure!
Sorry this has happened! Hugs!

tough one. My son was angry at me because I was the only one he felt comfortable to be angry at because he knew I wouldnt leave like his dad. give him time and lots of love. this whole divorce thing really messes with a kids sense of alliance.

Hang In there, I've seen it from two sides, I was the step Mom of my now 24 year old, and now my own girls 10 and 13. Sometimes they side with the person doing the wrong, because that person has no one. KNOW that truth and reality hits everyone, sometimes not for years. My 13 yo Girl is alwasy in such a good mood happy and smiling with daddy, I get the PMS, the attitude, the who cares attitude. But again, I'm the safe one, not going anywhere. I have her 26 days a month dad only gets or wants 4. Pray for him, and have faith in the love you;ve given him for 18 years. Your a terrific Mom!

Thanks again for the great advice. You know my son is the youngest of 4 and the only boy (at one point I had 4 teens at once in my house!) And he sure can pull at moms heart strings.

What do the other siblings think of his decision?

His 20yo twin sisters are with me and think he's crazy for living with his dad--his married sister feels the same way. They have lost all respect for their dad are afraid their brother will end up just like him. I have to say that is one of my fears too, so I keep trying to reinforce with him the values I have always taught him, but right now he doesn't want to hear it. I'm just going to lay off and let him come to me (that makes me feel sad)