This is my first time on a message board of any kind so please be patient. I guess I just want to know that there's someone out there who understands. First, the facts: I'm 52 yrs old; C. is 62 yrs old. I have 1 son, still lives at home; he has 3 daughters, 1 still lives at home, 1 is in and out frequently because of fights with bf. I've been married and divorced twice; C's been married and divorced once and lived with another woman for 14 yrs before she left him. I met C. 6 and a half yrs ago; fell madly in love with him(this really surprised me because I really wasn't even looking for someone). He called all the time; wanted to see me everyday; seemed to be really crazy about me. I just knew that we'd be married within a year; I thought I had finally found Mr. Right. then he started pulling away; slowly at first so I guess I didn't notice (or didn't want to see it). First time I told him I loved him, he freaked and I cried. That should have told me something, but I chalked it up to him being afraid after his ex had treated him so badly. But he still stayed involved with her (even though she is married to someone else) in ways not involving the kids; such as paying her property tax each year, hosting a big July 4th party with her each year, helping her finiancially often. He wouldn't committ to me, but he seemed to be still be committed to her. now I see that this was just one of his games; one of the ways for him to keep me from getting too close. I read a book by Stephen Carter called "Men who can't Love". This book should have C.s name all over it. I understand his committment issues a little better now, but my heart is still broken. We broke up 4 months ago (our last "date" was me, him, 2 of his kids,and the ex). I know he was doing such absurd things to sabatoge the relationship and force me to end it, but I still miss him (or maybe I miss what I wished it could have been?) and sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by ending it. I have no contact with him; I've heard thru the grapevine that he's bought a new house in another town (about 30 mins. drive from here) and then yesterday I heard that he's dating someone. I'm devastated. I know he would not allow our relationship to work no matter how hard I tried, but still it kills me to think of him being with someone else, even though I know he will probably treat her like he did me and the other women before me. He is such a good game player and manipulator, but I've got to get over this and move on. Funny thing is that before I met him, I thought that I had finally gotten my life in control and had everyting in some kind of order. I'm just hurt and don't know what to do right now.