Yeah, just remember all the BAD times you had. Simple as that. With the good comes bad, so there must be some. Its not easy to forget, but you will. One day you will look back on the good times and smile, and not cry. I know I am looking forward to that day.

I saw a quote once that said "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

I think that when you finally really realize that it's over, that there is no chance of "fixing things", that's when you can start to also accept the happy memories without so much pain.

It does still hurt, but more from a distance. The more time that goes by, the more I realize that I miss the IDEA of what I thought my stbx was, but not the reality of him. I miss the idea of being in a relationship. But I'm less lonely now, alone, than I was a lot of the time with him.

For now, though, while you're still in so much pain, try to focus on the BAD times if you can.

I am having trouble thinking about travel and vacation -- that was the one thing we did together that we always seemed to enjoy (altho the last trip in July was mostly dreadful cuz he was spending all his time talking to OW on teh cell phone). I jut feel like I will never go on vacation again, I jsut do not want to go alone. I used to go alone all the time, but for 10 years I had a companion. Would I ever go anywhere with HIM again? Hell, no! But I somehow get sad all the time about not having any vacations planned. We were supposed to go to Cabo in September, but he went to Los Angeles with OW isntead (and got his car broke into on the way back and they stole all of OW's clothing, whatever). It's Sunday again & I still can't read the Travel section of the newspaper :(

Sorry -- you asked for advice -- that wasn't advice.

I agree with Jannell. I called the way things were my"alternate reality" Because althought he did and was that reality at one time in our marriage it is not reality now.

Well, yes we had some good times, but the bad times start to weigh heavily over the good, the abuse, the betrayel, all of this does make the good times look minimal.
We had some laughs, but usually when we were on vacation and not living in reality. STBX does not do well with reality.

I liked your reply, heartache -- it took my thoughts about vacation a step further - it's no wonder we got along on vacation -- that was not regular life!

There were good times?

don't forget the happy times, they were part of what made you you....just don't dwell on them and miss all the good things that happen presently....its a change, but not necessarily bad.

Happy memories should not be forgotten. What you need to remember also is that for one reason or another he is avoiding you and you are pursuing him.

If you ever want him back don't pursue him. Chasing someone to make them love you again NEVER works.

Respect his decision and let him go. Live your life to the fullest and believe me he will come back.

It's ok to smile at the happy memories. It's also important to look at the reality as well. Your life and the decisions you make should be based on the reality of the situation not memories.

I am going to start keeping a list of the reasons I am leaving him. I find the journaling section in here helpful for that. Then I can remind myself!

You can't forget the good times, but you can start creating new memories as well. Concentrate on developing new traditions and such. Be glad the memories were good, I guess.

I understand. ialso wish i could just forget them. My therapist says that after awhile they become just memories and we will be able to think about them without any pain. Don't know how long it takes though.

I feel the same as you do amyphilli, memories just flood into my head whenever I am alone, or at work, or lying in bed at night, then i cry myself to sleep. The thing is he was so unhappy with our r/ship for months but he never communicated to me or let me know in any way. It's hard for me to remember the bad times because for most of the 3 years we had GOOD times, and even towards the end. I know we still love each other, and he was my best friend, but he just sprung this on me at the last minute and decided to walk away from our love. I sometimes thik i have been so happy in our relationship that there is only the GOOD times to cry over, and i just wish they would come to us again.

My mom told me to embrace those happy times. She said remember them, keep the good times with me and then move on. That helped me a lot. I don't really think about any times that I had with stbx now and that's sometimes sad to me but I find that I don't think about him all that much anymore good or bad.

Stay as focused as you can on your studies. You will need a good job to raise your child through college too. Your boyfriend may be scared also of having a baby. He may have a change of heart. Do you talk to him at all? Try talking with him about the future and the new baby.