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Manipulation

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am trying to keep an emotional distance from my X. His behavior (lying, manipulating, verbal abuse, and addiction) hurts me and I need to move on after the divorce. I don't want to hang out with him, go to the movies, go out to eat, or have him over to the house to "visit the kids" (he hangs on me and NOT the kids). It hurts for me to do this, but I have to for my safety and sanity!

Instead of visiting with the kids at his apartment this afternoon (like he planned), he chose to play Texas Hold 'Em with a friend. He now wants to drop by to "hang with the kids" and bring them ice cream. Mind you, he wouldn't be paying much attention to the kids, but hitting on me! I told him that if he wanted to visit with the kids that he could bring them to his apartment or pick them up and take them out for ice cream. He starts crying and tells me that I'm selfish and cruel. WTF?????

Am I in the wrong here or is he just trying to be manipulative and controlling as usual?!
deleted_user
deleted_user
He's beihg manipulative and cruel, take no notice, stand your gound girl.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He's beihg manipulative and cruel, take no notice, stand your gound girl.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He wants sex.
deleted_user
deleted_user
manipulative. He is not the victim, but abusers are so manipulative they can convince others and even you, the one they hit, that they are the victims. Sounds like he could have a new career as an actor ;-)
deleted_user
deleted_user
no, I don't think you are wrong. You are not stopping him from spending time with the kids in any way.. you are not playing his game. He is trying to control the situation and when that failed he tried manipulating you. I am glad you saw through it. Hugs. Please don't think yo are crazy. Thats one of the biggest powers a manipulative man has. Making the other feel like they are crazy and in the wrong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What a slime, how is he going to get there didn't you say a couple of days ago his car was broken. Stand your ground and don't let his manipulation get you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sounds like manipulation to me, and he is probably a master at it. Manipulators look on it as a sport and winning is the goal whatever the result might be.

Tell him if he wants to spend time with the kids that is great, but if he wants to spend time with you, he needs to start seeing a counselor so he can work on his issues.

If he is not manipulating, and he seriously wants to get back together, he will take you up on your offer. At the very least he needs to see a counselor to see how hurtful this is.
deleted_user
deleted_user
#6

Friday he knowingly overdrew his account and rented a Dodge Charger (what a narcissist!). He's called back twice now a left a voice mail (I wouldn't answer the phone!) saying that he just wants to spend time with the kids and by the way I have to pick him up tomorrow afternoon when he returns the rental car and then I have to help him move out of his apartment by Wednesday to stay at his dad's. Ah......no I don't!

I ALREADY told him that I have to bring my daughter to a therapy appointment out of town tomorrow. Besides....HE is not my responsibility. We're not married anymore! What about all of those people that were more important than his family that he spent so much time with???? Why can't THEY help him?!

I think that it's just best that I let the voicemail take his calls and only return those calls relating to the children (and RATIONAL requests). GRRRR!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe he should play some more poker and get enought for taxi's or hey a car. I would do like you said and let the voice mail pick up his calls for now. I am with you on the WTF sometimes I think there brains have been stolden and stupid has been poured in
deleted_user
deleted_user
He is telling you this because he wants you to cater to HIS needs. HE is the selfish manipulative one. Stick to your decisions not to cater to or sleep with him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is exactly how my ex behaves. He wants to drop by whenever he wants to see the kids. He still thinks I should work around his schedule. Yesterday, he was suppose to pick up the kids and take them to their activities. He called and asked if I could drop them off for him because he was trying to fit in a work out and a swim?? There was a time I would have said yes but not anymore. As of two weeks ago I will not let him in the house, I meet him at the door when he picks up and drops off kids. It has been much better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is exactly how my ex behaves. He wants to drop by whenever he wants to see the kids. He still thinks I should work around his schedule. Yesterday, he was suppose to pick up the kids and take them to their activities. He called and asked if I could drop them off for him because he was trying to fit in a work out and a swim?? There was a time I would have said yes but not anymore. As of two weeks ago I will not let him in the house, I meet him at the door when he picks up and drops off kids. It has been much better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That's the boundary that I'm trying to set, cjam. Not to let him in the house. I have to lock the front door so that he doesn't just walk in whenever he feels like it. When he would come over he would raid my refrigerator and cupboards! It's more than just him "physically" being here that I have a problem with. It represents me achieving independence from him and that he's no longer my partner. He doesn't respect that...I have to take a stand!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My ex did the same thing, he was still treating my home like it was his. He would eat my food, use the computer, make himself at home. I thought I was doing the right thing for the kids but I couldn't heal. I am starting to look back at my marriage and ask myself why I allowed myself to be such a doormat. I am ashamed of how I allowed myself to be treated. I never want my children to allow someone to treat them this way, I knew I had to make a change.
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