Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,908 Members
100,064 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

LOVE OR LONLINESS-YOU VOTE

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was talking to my brother yesterday. He married his high school sweetheart when he was 16. After 24 yrs of marriage, she tells him she don't want to be married anymore and leaves. He said that he hurt so deeply, just like us. Said he thought he was gonna die,from the pain of the broken heart and love for her. I KNOW to well, that feeling. I asked him, when did that horrible pain go away. His answer was simple. "When I met someone else". He wasn't looking for anyone. That gave me something to really think about. So are we hurting because we love the person so much or is the pain because we lost someone we loved and we are alone? I may be more complicated than that. I think I hurt mostly because I loved him so much and he obviously don't return my love. All I know is I want this pain to leave me. To help speed the process, I am going to be open to LOOK for someone to HELP me overcome this pain. Any wonderful single men here in their 40s or 50s from NC? lol Love to you all :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sweety please be careful, not to "fall" for the first man just to "fix" you! You are not broken!
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY
what part of NC are you in? Great state, except the toughest marital laws, or so I Hear.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know, but I don't think so. I hope not anyway.

For me I don't think the pain will ever "Go Away" but I do think it has and will lessen more and more. Eventually it will only hit on times like our anniversary, or our childrens birthday.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know how long you've been seperated or divorced, I know what you mean- it's only 3 months of seperation for me but I was so lonely in the marriage it feels like forever since I had that happy "I am loved feeling" I know we are supposed to get it from within and spiritualy from God but I also think he made for each other to experience human contact. I don't want to look for any long term relationships but I won't be beyond looking for some brief attention to get me to the next level. I think it is all about keeping it in perspective, remaining hones and emotionally detached until you are truly ready and open to a long term quality relationship- then I want someone I can enjoy talking to- who holds up their end of a conversation, is active, reads an occasional book! But for now a good time Charlie to dance and hang out with- maybe some safe sex....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I learned from my divorce care group as there was a topic on lonliness, you are never "alone". You are surrounded by love of God (if you believe) not thumpin bibles so chill, your family, friends, etc. You are only "single".
Now, that being said, you clearly need to realize which of the two you are and filling the void of a broken heart to rush to another relationship and say, it don't last, your heart will break 100 times worse than your 20+yr. long term relationship. So, leaving you with, don't pursue another person until you have healed your broken heart on your own.
I choose to do for me and me only. That and my children and family and friends haev all got to see the real me, and not the one who I was.
I am not looking and if another passes my eye and is lucky enough to snag me, let her try, going to be a long road, believe me the lonliness subsides enveloping things in your life that are important to you, and no, not another person...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I love your attitude JTGPP
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it is the hurt caused by being rejected by the other person, and that somehow we did not "measure" up to their needs. While this sounds fanciful I believe that this affects the totality of our person, although it may have little to do with us.
verbra
verbra
I think the pain does subside when you have a companion to talk to. I wouldn't mind having someone to go to the movies or dinner with, nothing serious.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the pain of Loving somebody I don't possibly think it will go away especiasly when you love someone deeply until you decide enough is enough and as long we allow them to interfer in our lives it probpably wouldn't go away
deleted_user
deleted_user
When a spouse leaves it has to be the ulitimate in rejection. You lived with this person you trusted them and at one point or another you might have even loved them. Then they turn around and tell you your not good enough any more and they want to move on with out you. Of course it hurts it hurts a hell of a lot. You take a personal inventory decide that you are much better of with out the dead weight and you move on, its not as easy as it sounds but in essence that is what many of us have to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Love or loneliness?

Loneliness.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Do not look for another man to ease your pain, it will not work, like falling in love you can't look for it it just happens when you least expect it. I have tried it and felt worse than ever and bad about myself and have hurt the guy in question which I never meant to do because I still loved my ex. It takes time to heal over a divorce or split nothing else.
TSand
TSand
I am not going to keep making the same mistakes in my life. I am not young any more. It is time for me to grow up. I see many people here that are the faithful type and we all married the cheating type. What is/was in me that chose someone like that? There were signs and I ignored or didn't see them. I need to work on me to become the kind of person that I can respect and love. Someone else right now would be merely a distraction from the real job in front of me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I love him and I am very lonely. I can't answer WHY I love him though. I was asked today "what about him do you love?" I sat there, could not answer. SAD.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think that it is the fear of being alone. I am also in the same situation. I can't figure out if my pain is because I love him, or if it is that he left me alone. He is far away so it's not like we can stop in and see each other. It's as if he died because he is gone. It's like losing a family member that you care about. It doesn't need to be "in love", it can be just as simple as you are mourning a death in the family (or death of a relationship). It takes time to heal.

You can contact me and talk if you want. It always helps to just share stories and gain strength by just talking about how you feel. and to realize you are not alone.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: mujicaptsd
    2634
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...